Life Analysis

finished 1st draft of A Tainted Mind

2004-12-10T11:10:00.000-06:00

I'm done. Well, sort of. This morning I did a passthru for my new psycho-thriller short, A TAINTED MIND. And it's off to the reviewers. Hopefully I'll get some feedback pretty quick. I'm tentatively planning to do a second draft for this one. We'll see.

Now I guess I better buckle up and work on my next full-feature script. Also a thriller, probably.

reading produced film scripts

2004-12-07T14:31:00.000-06:00

*** Scripts I've read

BUTTERFLY EFFECT by J. Mackye Gruber & Eric Bress -- simplistic language, but makes up in weirdness. Fun read, even though the story has holes. HAVE NOT SEEN.

COLLATERAL by Stuart Beattie -- weird writing style, a bit hard to read. The concept is cool, but everything comes down to a cliche end. HAVE NOT SEEN.

ELECTION by Alexander Payne & Jim Taylor -- great voice over, a fun character study; the plot could be a little more directed. I've seen it a while back.

FARGO by Ethan and Joel Coen -- read it a while back, didn't really like it. I've seen it.

HUMAN NATURE by Charlie Kaufman -- fun read and good story; could be a bit better; too bad it didn't translate to the screen too well. I've seen it.

KATE AND LEOPOLD by James Mangold and Steven Rogers -- great descriptions and dialogue; the story logic falls apart though. HAVE NOT SEEN

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN by Ted Elliott & Terry Rossio -- great descriptions, dialogue, and plot; highly respected writers; HIGHLY RECOMMEND. I've seen it.

SLEEPY HOLLOW by Andrew Kevin Walker -- good writing and a fun read, a clever little mystery; perhaps just a bit too complex for its own good.

*** Scripts I have started but haven't finished (that I remember something about)

THE SIXTH SENSE by M. Night Shyamalan -- it's OK, the writing is a bit simplistic. I've seen it.

ALMOST FAMOUS by Cameron Crowe -- reads well, I should finish this one. I've seen it.

AMERICAN BEAUTY by Alan Ball -- great dialogue and voice over; the story is a bit choppy though. The writer got lucky with this one. I've seen it.

BEING JOHN MALKOVICH by Charlie Kaufman -- fun read, too bad I've seen it several times.

CHINATOWN by Robert Towne -- started reading with my girlfriend; has long passages of description. Should read it. I've seen it.

CONFESSIONS OF A DANGEROUS MIND by Charlie Kaufman -- it reads OK, but the premise is ludicrous, didn't click with me. HAVE NOT SEEN.

FIGHT CLUB by Jim Uhls -- great story, but a bit heavy on the voice over; read half of it, too bad I've seen the movie too many times.

GO by John August -- straight and simple, maybe I'll read it sometime; HAVE NOT SEEN IT

THE MATRIX by Larry and Andy Wachowski -- read a little; a bit heavy on the camera directions. I've seen it.

STEPMOM by Ronald Bass -- effective, action writing; could read it. HAVE NOT SEEN IT.

last post for a while?

2004-11-30T11:58:00.000-06:00

What my mom said was true, about figuring out what to write about.

Currently, I don't know what this blog is about.

At first my posts were free flowing and spread out -- they came straight from the unconsciousness without much cencoring or editing. However, I soon realized such posts weren't very interesting to read. They were not good writing (by my standards). Good writing requires lots of thinking and lots of revisions. Thus, my posts became smaller and smaller.

Now, I started reading a book that encourages freewriting -- writing non-stop for at least ten minutes. It's a way to stop thinking about writing while writing. So, now I'd like to spend some time with such private writing exercises. I also decided to do freewriting exercises at home using the screenplay format.

What about this blog? Will I still write here?

Probably...

I'll keep it, but I need to figure out what it's for. What am I trying to accomplish with it? As of right now, I'll probably post here once in a while about news. Like progress of my screenplays and such. Or not. We'll see.

So, that's where I am right now.

P.S. My Film Critic blog is alive and well. I'm planning to run that one for a while.

Screenwriter's TO DO LIST

2004-11-28T17:06:00.000-06:00

By order of importance.

1. Write! work on your story.
2. Read and learn other screenplays, especially produced screenplays.
3. Watch movies.
4. Read help books and how-to books about writing.
5. Read other fiction -- examples of good/popular writing.
6. Read non-fiction -- learn about the world, learn vocabulary.
7. Play word games (i.e. Scrabble).
8. Observe the world, observe people.
9. Relax, take a nap.
10. Do something completely unrelated to writing (i.e. GYM, your real job).

Word of the Day

2004-11-23T16:14:00.000-06:00

I took this Sunday off from writing and instead spend time screwing around on the web. I found several games for writers -- word games. My favorite ones so far are "Super Text Twist" and "Scrabble". I'll probably buy a Scrabble board in the near future. It's only $15 or so.

Now, I can't play any of these games at work because we use Unix systems, not Windows. So, I found other ways to improve my vocabulary -- Word of the Day. It's a service where a dictionary web site e-mails you a new word every day, along with example sentenses and history. I subscribed to several of these. And I found some "Word of the Day" sites as blogs. On the right side of the page, there're links to these blogs, like my favorite WOTD - Merriam-Webster.

free time at work

2004-11-22T17:02:00.000-06:00

I came up with an idea about what to do with my free time at work. Yes, writing in this blog is a good use of my free time, but I wanted something more screenplay related.

I decided to start thinking about some future projects I might write. Yes, I already tried doing this using this very blog about a month ago, but I'd rather throw around ideas in my private sandbox of a text pad. I still think it's important to have several ideas to choose from, since the chosen one will be that much more powerful.

My next project will be a feature length screenplay. It'll probably be a Thriller. And there's plenty to think about. I just wish I didn't get so distracted ... writing this blog, for example.

next short -- a psycho-thriller

2004-11-18T16:57:00.000-06:00

I was going to write something yesterday, but I didn't have time for some reason. I don't know why -- I didn't have much work to do. Or perhaps I was thinking too hard about what to write. Well, from now on I'll just write whatever is on my mind, and most of the time it's screenwriting. No more pressure!

My next short script will be a psycho-thriller, tentatively titled "A TAINTED MIND". I'm getting tired of comedy -- it's not working for me. Currently, I'm thinking up the story in my head, trying to tie up the plot holes.

Regarding my recently-finished script, "A Russian Adoption", I already have unpleasant thoughts about it. I feel I tried to pack too much stuff into too few pages (I've done this before).

For my future projects, I think I need additional feedback during my outline phase to prevent this kind of thing from happening. So, I plan to write a short outline/treatment of my next script and let my girlfriend see it. After all, she's been interested in being more involved with the writing process.

brain-dead update

2004-11-16T15:30:00.000-06:00

I'm brain-dead today. I hope it's not contagious.

I've been brainstorming about ideas for my next 20-page short. And after this short, I plan to do another feature-length screenplay, so I need ideas for that too. My brain is tired. This is hard... and frustrating.

I came up with a list of general ideas and themes I want to write about, but I haven't committed to anything yet. I feel like a perfectionist -- there's plenty of stories to write, but I'm looking around, trying to find that perfect gem. Or at least that story that's perfect for me.

leverage my strengths

2004-11-11T14:40:00.000-06:00

In today's world of corporate marketing, companies often talk about their "differentiating factor" -- what makes them unique? why would customers spend money on their products?

And, in today's world of marketable screenplays, writers must be different from the rest. What makes their movie different from the big pile of trash we've already seen? What makes their writing unique?

As I writer, I must know my strengths (and weaknesses). I must use my strengths to gain a unique perspective on the world, to look beyond the obvious into the hidden world of human needs, fantasies, and fears. I must leverage my strengths.

What are my strengths? One. The Russian perspective. Which is the perspective of a foreigner being able to look through the norms and customs of America. Thus, my stories should have a Russian element and/or Russian characters.

Cynicism, satire, dark comedy. This is the type of writing I lean to, although I understand it should be accompanied by farce not to be too depressing. I should not, and don't want, to write toilet humor and slapstick comedy. I don't like when I see it and there's no intelligence in it. Yet I keep throwing this garbage into my writing; probably because it's easy and funny in a childish sort of way. I must understand the humor/mood I want in the script and stick to it consistently.

I like psychology, I understand why people do many things. And I like observing and trying to "pick the brain" of interesting people. I want to develop this strength even more so I can take the human condition to the extreme. Something like the screenwriter Charlie Kaufman does in his stories.

Seems like writing if more than just cool stories. It's about finding yourself too.

football (jokes)

2004-11-10T10:51:00.000-06:00

You know what I love about football. When your team looses, there's always next year. And when when my team finally wins, I plan to kill myself.

You know what I hate about football. The professionals players make way too much money. If less people saw the games, their salaries would drop. Well, I'll show them. For the first game of next season I'm gonna use my life savings and buy up all the seats in the stadium.

politics (jokes)

2004-11-08T16:40:00.000-06:00

You know what I love about politics. Cheering on the candidates. The media compares which schools they attended, what sports they like, how many foreign countries they've invaded. Hmm, I bet if Sadam Hussein would've attacked a couple more foreign countries, Americans might like him more than their own President.

But the system works. You know what I love about democracy. The freedom to select anyone you want to represent you. As long as that person is on the ballot. And you don't have to worry about the issues, since candidates never bring them up.

GYM trip (joke)

2004-11-04T14:13:00.000-06:00

I went to the GYM with my wife today. Three girls work there. They're so friendly and helpful. They gave us cute little towels to wipe the sweat. And they're in top shape too -- big muscles. I tried the stairmaster, got tired after two minutes, and one of them finished my set for me. They're such nice women. My wife told me one of them rubbed her back in the shower.

Let me know how you like my jokes, stories. Thanks :)

my stapler (joke)

2004-11-03T15:15:00.000-06:00

I'm an engineer. My work is boring and solitary.

I hang out with my stapler all day long. You know you spend way too much time with someone when you start to act like them. Last night, I awoke coughing up staples. And I had a sheet of paper stuck in my mouth. Apparently, I ate some staples for dinner and used a stack of paper as a pillow. My coughing fit ended by the morning. So, I spent the next two hours searching for a fresh staple cartridge.

To the Polls (story)

2004-11-02T11:45:00.000-06:00

The voting polls stand in the parking lot -- a temporary structure, the same type construction workers use for their offices. It's a cheap dirty-looking thing. Makes me wonder what kind of impression America wants to make on their citizens.

I take the creaking plywood ramp up to the door. Inside -- mostly empty. Several senior citizens twiddle their fingers behind a fold-up table. What did I expect? They smile, take my name, and point me toward the voting booths.

And then it hits me. This is so stupid. Why am I voting? OK, I know why -- to tell my girlfriend's Democrat stepmother that I voted. That I proudly used my free voice as an American citizen. So then, am I spending my precious time and jumping through all these hoops just to please my girlfriend's stepmother? Yes, of course. Too bad she'll never know that.

I step up to the voting mechanism -- a cute blue touch screen panel. I touch the screen to start. Nothing. Apparently, it's not a touch screen. I notice the clumsy buttons and a scroll wheel at the bottom, like the nobs of many children's toys. I use them to log in.

Plenty of offices and people to vote for, but the names don't ring a bell. I don't have to vote for all those small offices. But I will vote for president. George Bush or John Kerry? I click the "Write-In" box. And proudly type: Mickey Mouse. Click OK. Cast the ballot. Done. My voice of apathy has now been heard.

blog metamorphosis

2004-11-02T11:10:00.000-06:00

Writing is easy. Good writing is hard. And I'm writing right now. And it feels pretty easy to whip out a few sentences. But it's not good writing. It's crap. And one reason it's crap is because I haven't thought about what I was going to write before I started writing it. Another reason this is crap is because I'm not going to spend a considerable amount of time reviewing what I wrote and making the necessary stylistic improvements and fixes. So, I'm slightly ashamed to put this piece into the real world. After all, what's the point of writing something if it's not going to be good?

As an up and coming (or maybe not) professional writer, I should write professionally. I should use this blog to improve my writing. Or at least for improving myself as a person. Currently, I'm not sure what purpose this blog serves.

I suppose I started the blog out to improve myself as a person, to track my progress. But now I'm busy with my writing goal, so improving myself as a person seems closely tied to improving myself as a writer. So then shouldn't this blog exist to improve myself as a writer?

Perhaps I should concentrate on writing about writing? Or perhaps I should write original works on this blog? Or perhaps I should catalogue my progress with my latest script on here? What would be beneficial to me? What would take this blog up to the next level for me? What would make me come back to this blog as a reference, wishing to re-read everything I wrote? What would make other people want to read what I wrote?

The goal is clear. This blog needs a transformation and a new sense of direction because it's starting to loose my interest. I'm thinking...

OK. I came up with two things -- two types of blog posts I could write. I'd like to dramatize a real life event that happened to me or around me recently. Also, I'd like to note down some new ideas I learned about writing. And all this must be done with my creative writing style.

my bio

2004-10-28T11:07:00.000-05:00

I updated my bio on the script trading websites. Hopefully, a better bio encourages other writers to read and review my work.

What do you think? Do I sound like a decent guy? A writer who knows a thing or two?

MY BIO:

An engineer by profession, I picked up writing because I believe people need original, exciting, and thought-provoking stories.

I published a couple essays in my high-school/college journals. Also, I published two professional articles.

I fooled around with short story format a bit. But now, I'm a screenwriter. I've written a few full-features and shorts -- nothing I felt proud enough to send out to contests. Yet.

I'm a student of the craft, always eager to learn and open to ideas. I have read and continue to read numerous scriptwriting books. And regularly attend a local screenplay writers' group.

When I read a screenplay or watch a movie, I concentrate on problematic areas and think of possible solutions. I shoot for a good amount of constructive criticism for a feature-length screenplay.

I'll give feedback on the whole script -- plot beats, character depth, dialogue, and specific notes throughout the story. I appreciate if other readers give my work the same amount of attention I give theirs.

I'm an active member of two script trading sites -- Helium Feedback and Zoetrope.

many thoughts

2004-10-26T10:40:00.000-05:00

OK, I think my priorities are screwed up. Last couple of days I had a difficult time working on my next short script. Yes, I had doubts and uneasiness about the story, but that's not the major problem. The big problem is I'm thinking about too many things at the same time.

I submitted my latest short script, "Short Changed", online. However, didn't get the number or the quality of reviews I'd like. So, I can't help but think about this script. I struggle to resist the urge to go online and check what's going on -- if someone posted a new review. What's the deal? I should put that one behind me for a little while. Later, I'll come back to it with a fresh mind.

And then there's all the usual stuff. I think about movies I'll watch, about movies coming from Netflix, and about movies I should put on my queue. I think about the books I'm reading, and plan the time I'll read them.

I try not to think about Halloween and the eternal question: "What big party or event is gonna happen at the end of the week? Shouldn't I plan something." What about Christmas presents -- those are in the back of my mind as well. What about saving money, and work?

And next month I'm gonna look for new tenants for my house up north. And I doubt many people will like the house -- the current tenants keep it pretty dirty and stinky.

Geez. So many problems and issues! Why can't they all go away? Please, leave me alone so I can write. When I write, I must quit thinking about all the garbage in my hand and concentrate on the task at hand.

home alone

2004-10-22T14:39:00.000-05:00

My girlfriend will be out of town this weekend. Wow, this is so weird. And kinda cool. I don't remember the last time I was home alone for this long. Must have been a couple years ago. I used to have roommates living with me. Now a girlfriend.

I'm kind of excited. I'm thinking of all the stuff I will do, but I'm worried I won't have enough home alone time to do it all. Writing, reading, watching movies, starving... Oh, the fun...

And it's Friday. I can't wait to get out of work. I'm gonna go home and party. By party, I mean I'll curl up with a good long book, of course. Maybe I'll pour myself a nice big glass of stout ice tea, too :)

even more busy busy

2004-10-20T15:05:00.000-05:00

Don't have time to think up of stuff to write here. Or time to write, for that matter.

I'm spending my free time trading script reviews with online people. I take a look at their script, they take a look at mine. I'm using them, as well as my girlfriend, as guinea pigs -- first readers. I'm planning to make any obvious changes in my new short script, SHORT CHANGED, this weekend. Then, I'll send it out to everyone.

busy busy

2004-10-19T15:18:00.000-05:00

I'm kinda busy at work, but I wanted to say Hi. It's one of those thing where I'm so very close to completing a task, but every time I take a step forward, I get pushed two steps back. I've been trying to finish up one work task for the last three days.

Netflix doesn't seem to be receiving my movies as fast as they used to. Perhaps it's a conspiracy? Or perhaps my postman is unreliable? I'll try to drop them off at a different mailbox and see what happens. But then again, I don't have time to watch movies tonight, I'm going to a screenwriter's meeting. Hooray!

I'm getting a headache. It's one of those headaches you get when you've been doing too much stuff during the day.

At least I got a draft of my new short completed. I should send it to my parents sometime soon.

Russian stories

2004-10-15T15:00:00.000-05:00

I need to come up with an idea for a 20 page short script about Russia. After all, my mother expected me to write about Russia. Maybe I should write something about it.

Let's see... what fun drama can come out of Russia. Russians can make pretty good comic characters, since they're able to point out some rediculous things in America. For example, why do Americans always talk about the weather? Don't they have anything else to talk about?

Another interesting thing that's going on in Russia is the declining population. And Americans are the ones coming to Russia to adopt all the babies. I suppose it's a good deal for both countries. What if a Russian couple living in America decided to go back to Russia to adopt a baby. Because the only babies available in America are black or Mexican. Then, when they get to Russia, someone finds out they're Russians. They tell them that all the babies are reserved for Americans. The only baby they could get is an Arab baby. Hmm... sounds interesting. I might write it.

What else is there? Russian terrorists. Hmm, not Russian enough. Let's see, Russian military service. Russian Americanizing. Hmm, change of culture when coming to the States. I guess I'm back where I started. I like the baby story. I see it as a type of racial satire. Plus there's the weird element of Russian prejudice against themselves. Hmm...

short on time

2004-10-14T15:23:00.000-05:00

I feel like I haven't done enough writing lately. Or reading about writing.

Well, it's easy to see why. First, I was busy for over a week setting up the projector and making a few changes around the house. Organizing the home for "better". Then, when I got a new video card for my computer, it didn't work. I needed the video card to hook up to my projector, but it ended up crashing my computer. I had to spend days and days figuring out the problems until I finally fixed it this Tuesday. My computer may be running a little slower, but it works.

Or maybe I've been watching too many movies after work. If I get home at 6pm and go to bed at 10:30pm, then there's only 4.5 hours to do anything. Usually, there's one hour for dinner. Half an hour for relaxing and talking. That leaves three hours. If I watch a 2+ hour movie, that takes care of the rest of the time. Horrible. Where is my day going? I feel like I need more time.

Maybe I should write a little after work sometimes. I was planning on writing a little tonight. I'll finish up the outline for my short script and review it. And I wasn't going to watch a movie tonight :)

working

2004-10-13T16:00:00.000-05:00

I'm a little sleepy right now. I didn't get the full eight hours of sleep last night. Got only seven.

For some reason I don't feel like staying at work nowadays. I do have some work for a change. So it's not like I'm bored out of my mind here. However, the work is kind of boring and tedious. Or, maybe it's because at home I can relax and concentrate on my other job, becoming a screenwriter. Fun, new, exciting stuff.

Regardless of what I do at home, while at work I should be working. So, I guess I should go back to work.

shorts coming

2004-10-12T16:01:00.000-05:00

I need to take a step back.

You see, I let a few people read the first act of my 2nd script. I liked it. I felt the story was much deeper and much more mezmerizing than my first script. However, people were confused what the story was about, who the story was about, and where it was going.

Therefore, it was clear that I needed to clarify and simplify the main story line. And nail down a single theme and purpose for the piece. The readers took only 27 pages to figure out that the story wasn't flowing well. And I had 65 pages finished for the story.

So, without finishing up the writing of the first draft, I started working on a new detailed outline for the story's second draft. Right away it became an overwhelming task. I tried to take everything into consideration and make sure my scenes were the best that I could think of. For the fifty scenes I was shooting for, the outline would have taken quite a long time. And, I would have no idea whether the scenes past the first act would even matter, since I was planning to get feedback for the first act as soon as I wrote it. And then I might end up changing the whole thing once again. And never finish it.

Hence, I felt I was getting feedback on only half of my work. I would have been in exact same place if I never bothered writing beyond page 27. And it sucks when the rest of my work is thrown out like that.

Another thing. I'm unsure whether people get my writing as they read it. Am I giving not enough information for them to follow the story? Or am I giving too much and it's too boring? Do people get what I want them to get or do they get something else? Do they think the story is about the same thing that I think it's about?

It seems to be the classical problem of communication. Pretty important. It must be solved. I need to have a certain level of confidence that the audience will be able to follow the story I'm writing. Currently I have very little.

So, I decided to write a couple short scripts. No longer than 20 pages. I figured I can write them relatively quick and I can get feedback on them relatively quick as well. I will follow the same full-feature structure, just condensed. They will be closed works by themselves. I can get comments on the beginning, on the middle, and the end. Not just comments on the beginning, as I got for my full scripts. And the audience shouldn't mind reading them -- only 20 pages.

Hopefully, this will give me quick turnaround for feedback, additional outlining practice, and some completed works under my belt. All good stuff.

interruptions

2004-10-11T14:45:00.000-05:00

I don't like interruptions. But, for some reason, I'm constantly being interrupted. And it drives me nuts. Why is that?

I got one explanation. I live without waiting. I try to minimize the amount of time I wait for anybody and anything. I've learned that waiting pisses me off even more than interruptions. So, I choose not to wait.

What happens when I catch myself in a situation where I have to wait for something? I make sure that I find something else to occupy myself. For example, if I go to the mechanic to get my oil changed, I bring a book along to keep me busy. Then, while they change the oil, I'm not waiting -- I'm reading. When they finish the oil change, they interrupt me so I can take my car away.

Since Netflix only delivers movies on certain days, I keep a few unwatched films on my computer to make sure I never have to wait for one. That's why I'm not a huge fan of movie theaters -- too much waiting before the movie starts.

My girlfriend gets dressed to go out. I sit down at the computer and pull up some work. Then, she comes down and interrupts me.

Dead time at work. I pull up a text editor and write up a blogger entry.

It seems like I'm setting myself up for interruptions. The less I wait, the more often I get interrupted. Isn't that interesting?

video card legacy

2004-10-06T14:36:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to unwind. I got my new video card, the card I need to hook up my computer to the projector. Installed it. It didn't work.

I reinstalled the software. Played with it. Tried different configurations. Nothing.

The $50 cable for this card finally arrived. So I had a broken video card and a useless cable.

I e-mailed support. They finally got back to me and said to install some new software. I installed it, and it still didn't work.

Yesterday, I realized if the new card worked, I might not need my other video card. After all, the new video card had multiple outputs (SVGA, S-Video, DVI).

During lunch today, I removed my old video card from the computer, the video card that I might not need anymore. I saw some changes in the behavior, but the new card still didn't work. I forced the new card to be the primary video card for the computer, and then everything started working.

Amazing. Now I can get HDTV resolution on the projector. Cool.

passionate movie folk

2004-10-05T14:26:00.000-05:00

I'm wound up so tight I can't unwind myself.

We watched "Jacob's Ladder" the other day. It was recommended as a film similar to my first screenplay, "Secret Self". The film was good, even though I spotted a few weaknesses. However, the theme of the film was actually closer to the current script I'm working on than to the first one. Pretty cool how they did it.

The best part of the film was actually not the film itself. It was the interviews and opinions and much needed deleted scenes that I saw by viewing the special features. It was amazing how passionate the director and the producer were about this picture. They were able to speak so clearly and with such high voice about the theme of a man caught in his own terror, a man suffering and finally accepting death, the guidance from his little boy, etc.

Wow. It's nice to see some movie people put so much heart and thought into their own work. And here I was thinking that the writer should be most passionate about his work. Apparently, if the director can be so passionate, the writer better be even more so :) Wow, that's tough.

clarity perscription

2004-09-30T15:24:00.000-05:00

Why am I writing? Well, because that's what I want to do when I'm retired. So why not start now?

Who am I writing for? Well, that's a tough one. I'm writing for myself, although I hope everyone else likes it as well.

The problem occurs with clarity and understanding. I suppose it is the major problem any writer faces. After all, who would ever write a crappy movie? It just happens that when a movie is transferred from the writer's head onto a page, it... well... weakens.

And here I was, thinking how clever of me to use smart dialogue lines with double meaning and put intricate surprises into my script. All that is useless if no one can understand it.

Oh, gee. But that's the problem I have with Hollywood movies. They're obvious, predictable, largely dumb and not thought-provoking. However, if they were move complex, the American audience might not "get them". After all, who wants to think?

Clarity. All right, I'll try the pill. See if I can swallow it.

projector screen update

2004-09-29T13:42:00.000-05:00

Hurray! The projector screen arrived yesterday. Although I ran into a couple issues, the installation didn't take that long. Still, I need to examine the screen in the near future to make sure it's completely flat, since the wall behind it has quite a few bulges. I was thinking of adding small supports on the bottom so the screen would hang away from the wall a little. We'll see.

The screen is the perfect size. It is an HDTV(16:9) screen 52" by 92", which gives it a total diagonal size of 106". In fact, the image is slightly bigger than the screen. (I can always zoom out.) The next one up would have been 58"x104" -- I'd like to have it, but the projector can't be moved further away to generate a larger image with my set up. The current screen is big enough -- far bigger than any TVs I have ever seen. And far better quality too.

I managed to watch a movie last night. I had to. After all, I just got the screen. It was way better than watching with a bed sheet. It was clearer and the black borders around the screen added to the contrast. Cool. Too bad I didn't receive any new movies today. Stupid Netflix. (I have two newer movies coming, and I suspect they shipped them out of different distribution centers, so it's taking longer to get to me.)

So, what's next. Plenty. We need to find a light fixture to replace the huge fan we took down. I'm waiting for some cables so that I can further separate my speakers and hook up a DVI signal from my computer. Also, I'd like to have a small table fan I can use when I sweat playing Dance Dance Revolution. Then, we need to find a small door nob for the closet so it doesn't get in the way of the projector screen. Hurray! We're probably going shopping this weekend.

dentist visit

2004-09-28T16:15:00.000-05:00

I went to the dentist today. I'm not really concerned about my teeth. I was more concerned with getting it out of the way.

I went to the dentist last week. This was my first visit in a year. The last year I went to the dentist, it was my first visit in a year as well, plus the place was crummy. So, my current dentist found all kinds of cavities and a needed crown that the other guys haven't mentioned. Perhaps it wasn't there, perhaps it was too small to notice -- who knows?

So now my left side of my mouth is numb. I also have a strange headache on the left side of my head. Perhaps they're related? I ate some pretzels with a cup of water and chewed on the right side. Oh joy! I don't come back for the real crown in another three weeks.

The visit was somewhat enjoyable. I mean, you lie in a comfortable chair where you can close your eyes and daydream. If it wasn't for that annoying buzzing of the instruments, the constant saliva in my mouth, and the pain of spreading my mouth open, it would be a total blast. Unfortunatelly, I didn't get much thinking done at my dentist.

Pitch 'o' the Week #1

2004-09-27T17:25:00.000-05:00

This is something that I thought about doing on this blog for a little while. But didn't. Today, I read on another blog where another writer took it seriously. So, I guess I now have to.

This writer planned to write one short story a week. At the end of the year, it's impossible for all 52 of them to be bad. I, on the other hand, will take a slightly different approach. I want to develop new ideas but stick to the movie structure, since apparently people have told me I need better structure for my screenplay.

So, I will start with a theme, since in my opinion that's the most important part of the movie. Then, I will draw up a quick outline of a film -- a beginning, a middle, and an end. And I have to do this really quick. OK, let's start.

THEME: Destruction of nature by civilization

Act I:

Aliens have landed and taken over a part of Earth. They negotiated a peace treaty with the humans. They continue to reproduce at a rate much faster than humans thanks to their breeding technology.

Slug, our alien hero, wants to become a star pilot of the alien war machine. He joins the marines. Suddenly, aliens announce an all out war agains the humans and the somewhat unexperienced Slug finds himself at the head of a war unit, leading other uneperience aliens into battle. His ship gets shot down and crash lands in Yellowstone Park.

Act II:

The aliens, under leadership of Slug, set up a small camp in the park. They search around the park but only find and capture one human, a park ranger, in miles of beautiful land. They carelessly burn and destroy the forest, wondering why humans are so stupid not to settle on this land.

The humans spot the destruction of the forest and send in troops. The aliens get caught up in a fierce battle. Slug gets injured. He stumbles around the forest and expires near an isolated cabin.

Prissy, the anima figure, finds Slug and takes him in. She explains him the human way of life and they become friends. She shows him how to feed animals, grow trees. He sees groups of ants fight against each other.

Human forces continue to search for Slug through the forest. Slug finds out that Prissy's father is a high ranking official in the human army. He finds a way to hack into they guy's home as if he's Prissy and figure out the location and codes of a nuclear missile base. He builds a communication device to get touch with his alien brothers.

The humans surround the cabin. Slug must fight, flee, or surrender. He spends his time finishing the device and sends a message to his team. Humans capture the cabin and are about to kill him, when Prissy jumps in front of him for defense, not knowing what he was up to with the computer.

Act III:

Prissy defends Slug and calls upon her father to let him go. With his help, Slug and Prissy are able to get out.

Due to Alien's fighting inexperience, they suffer much greater casualties than humans. However, their breeding machine is working full steam to replace the soldiers. Slug must go back to his land and destroy the breeding machine to bring this war to an end. Prissy comes along. Slug leaves a message with the humans to prepare -- the aliens know the location and codes of the base.

Slug takes on the high commander of the army in a battle. He manages to destroy the alien breeding facility. Humans rush in and take prisoners. They accidentally shoot Prissy in the process.

Aliens are hurded into small reservations around the world where they have specific breeding limits. Many of them die out since Aliens don't breed well in captivity.

Do I know what I'm writing?

2004-09-24T15:50:00.000-05:00

I feel I didn't get enough writing done on my 2nd script this week. Yeah, I know, I've been busy setting up the projector and I've been sick. But still, all these things shouldn't affect my writing.

Yesterday, I got the feeling I lost my story. I haven't been thinking about it much during the days since my mind was full with other concerns, so when I finally sat down to write I felt I didn't know what the story was really about.

Actually, it is the same feeling I had while I was doing the grammatically correct draft of my first script. This is why I can't really say it was a new draft. When doing that rewrite, day after day I was stuck muddling in between dialogue and choosing the correct words. All the while, I didn't have the big picture, I couldn't grasp the big feeling and the big direction of the story. That's why I wanted to hurry it up and get the story out into the public. So I'd get some real useful feedback. I couldn't see the forest since the trees were in the way.

Now I'm better than that. The same feeling got to me yesterday. I felt the story was bogging down. It wasn't energetic, it wasn't moving, it wasn't getting more interesting and exciting. I couldn't tell what the main drive was. Or... perhaps I didn't feel like doing any new writing? So, I had to backtrack and review the direction and the pace of the story. Yesterday and today I reviewed the scenes, made some modifications, and convinced myself that I know what I'm doing. Go Team :)

online stores

2004-09-23T17:25:00.000-05:00

I bought more stuff online today -- more cables and such. I got a 10 meter M1-DA to DVI-D cable, if you know what I mean. :)

I was wondering how obvious it is that online business is better than a regular brick and mortar shopping store, where you go so you can "feel" what you're buying. Perhaps it's not obvious at all.

Let's see, if I wanted to have an online business, I'd have to have a website. Simple -- either get a computer at your house or pay a low monthly fee for someone else's server space. Same can be done for the money transaction system -- either design one yourself or pay a low fee for someone else's. All this stuff is obvious for any one of the millions of people who have already made their own websites.

Next, I need a warehouse, right? Well, maybe. Depends what I'm selling and how sneaky I am. I may cut a deal with the manufacturers of the items I'm selling that instead of them shipping the orders to my warehouse first, they will drop ship them directly to the customers.

Even if I do have a warehouse, I can have it in the middle of nowhere, a place where I can get a huge place for about $50k.

Think about how much real stores have to pay for their buildings. They are always located in prime areas of town, which means their cost/rent/taxes are enormous. Also, people mess around and break the items while looking at them, so the store looses money in lost merchandise. I can mention a few more small details, but I think it's obvious that the higher costs of brick and mortar stores come from the building and the extra employees.

The last advantage of online stores is that they are open all the time. You can go browse through their selection any time you feel like it. Not to mention that you could do it naked without leaving the comfort of your own bed. Hmm, does that mean shopping online helps the environment by saving gas? Perhaps that too...

projector update

2004-09-22T15:35:00.000-05:00

I haven't watched any movies this week. And I don't know if I will.

I received the long awaited projector on Monday. It's pretty cool. It's a simple piece of equipment, but boy does it make some big images. The images are awsome -- it's like a movie theater.

Now, I don't have everything set up like it's supposed to be. In fact, I don't even have a screen. We used a light blue bed sheet for a screen. We threw it up on the wall with some tape. Now, you could see what's behind it, like a closet door and a hallway, but, ignoring that, the image looks all right.

However, to add pain to excitement, my DVD player broke today. The DVD began skipping and eventually wouldn't play at all. I opened the box up, figuring it was a dirty laser, but it ended up being the motor for spinning the DVD. So, now I have a great projector and no DVD player to play my Netflix DVDs. I ordered a top of the line JVC DVD player for $90 online. The MSRP (Manufacture Suggested Retail Price) for it was $175. So, I figure I got a good deal.

It's not too bad though. I have a lot of work to do to set this whole thing up. I need to get some speaker wire to spread out my speakers. I need to find a place to stick my TV. Upstairs? We need to hang some sort of curtains in the entrance to the living room to make sure light doesn't distort the image during the day. I need to attach the projector to the ceiling since that's the most convenient place for it. I need to get rid of the old living room fan and find a better smaller light source to replace it with; of course I figure I need everything set up before settling on a new light source. I need to rewire the VCR/TV/Playstation and check how good they'll work.

Fun, fun. We already got rid of a couch in the living room and now it's so much spacier. And, if I'm not busy enough, I could always watch something from my computer. I've got some shows and such. Aww, if only I didn't have work and wasn't busy writing screenplays...

Sick? Who, me?

2004-09-21T10:33:00.000-05:00

You'd think living with a nurse girlfriend would make you healthier. After all, a nurse should know plenty of health tips and be able to spot possible health problems before they arise. However, I'm starting to think it'll be quite a while before my life gets healthier, or even returns to its normal levels of health.

We think she picked something up at the hospital. She's convinced she is sick. She has been sneezing, couching, hurting -- symptoms of several viruses. And, given that I'm living with her, I've started sneezing, coughing, hurting, etc.

Maybe I'm sick, maybe I will be. As I write this, I feel tired and light-headed. Or maybe it's because I didn't get enough sleep last night?

In either case, I don't like it and I will not stand for it. Life is too short to lie around complaining of your sickness and feeling sorry for yourself. I feel a little unusual, but it's nothing I can't get used to. Who really knows what a normal condition feels like? Our bodies are naturally uncomfortable with any change of environment or change in ourself -- that's our conservative nature. So, let's get back to work.

I strongly believe the best cure for anything is optimism. (Happiness plays a big factor too, but happiness tends to be a natural side effect of optimism.) I'm going to simplify the facts a little so I don't take all day. The key ingredient in extreme optimism is ignorance. Just look at politicians. Optimism is such a powerful force that most often people vote for the most optimistic candidate. We all know though, that elected politicians are delusional -- they don't understand real issues or the real world. Nevertheless, they tend to be some of the most powerful and successful people. Hence, I believe there may be some health merit in using intelligent ignorance toward your health condition.

So, actually I'm fine. I feel great. I could use some sleep though.

Why am I writing in this blog? Part 2424

2004-09-17T15:30:00.000-05:00

You know a topic that doesn't get old? Why am I writing this blog?

OK. I hope my scriblings in this blog will generate some ideas in my brain and cause my brain to live a little more. After all, actively using your brain prevents brain deterioration and related diseases.

Right. That's great and all, but why am I really writing in this blog? I mean, I'm a little tired of writing. I wrote two hours this morning, then I wrote a review for a movie during lunch, do I have to write in this blog as well? Come on, it's Friday. Can't I get some slack?

I need to go to a hottub. You know Friday evening is probably the least productive time for people. Sure seems true for me. I'll probably watch a movie tonight -- that could be considered productive. Beside that, doubt there will be much else. Is eating considered productive?

So, what am I trying to say? Am I trying to say that Friday is a fun day and I shouldn't worry about writing in this blog?

Yes, perhaps. But it doesn't matter. This post is quickly becoming complete nonsense. Perhaps I should quit for today. Yeah, I can't even write my name if my life depended on it. I'm no good. This whole post sucks. In fact, I'm deleting this whole thing. That's right, right now. Oops, wrong button

health insurance

2004-09-16T14:45:00.000-05:00

Stock market rose a little today, hot on the news that inflation is at 3% right now, up from 1.9% a year ago. I still don't understand why we need inflation, but that's beside the point. Health/home/auto insurance, homes, and school tuition are the usual culprits of prices on the rise.

I want to see some better methods at determining health insurance for people. Instead of blanket coverage by companies, I'd like to get a physical exam or something so that the doctor could recommend me in the lower risk/insurance braket.

I don't remember if I've ever taken perscribed drugs. However, everywhere I turn I see and hear about people popping pills. Why am I and my company paying higher insurance premiums for me -- money that goes toward filling up some sickos full of drugs?

I guess it's no big deal for me, my health insurance is $10/month. The company covers the rest. Still, I bet if the insurance companies squeezed the extra dollars out of high-risk individuals, people would be way more health-conscious and there would be less fatsos and smokers on the streets. Instead, the insurance companies seem to be satisfied with blanket coverage. After all, the less health-conscious the Americans are, the more health problems they will have, and the more money the insurance companies will squeeze out of the abnormally healthy individuals. Like me, I think.

The one thing health insurance should cover is membership to the GYM. We all know hardly any people ever go to the GYM, so it would be nice if the worry about paying for the GYM went away. If everyone automatically had GYM membership, more people would go to the GYM (since they'd have to -- it's included), less people would have health problems, and less people would need hospitalization. But, that's just my opinion.

As I see it, the current health insurance system does very little to encourage health in their members. Instead, the premiums continue to climb -- a symbol of health problems in Ameria. Even though some of us are as healthy now as we'll ever be. Typical capitalism -- health insurance companies are here to make money, and they make more money with more health problems.

feeding the addiction

2004-09-15T13:20:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling the addiction. To writing, of course. Can't you see, this is my third post in a row this week that has to do with writing. I'm so addicted I have a headache and I want to lie down and rest. But I can't, since I'm addicted.

In the last couple days, as I've been thinking about starting the next script, and this morning when I actually started writing it, I've been energized. I wanted to keep going and writing, but I to go to work. Damn. I have been thinking about it so much that the energy filled my head until it wanted to burst. All my thoughts were bubbling and overflowing that I just had to get them down on paper, as fast as possible.

It is strange that while I was doing my own independent rewrite of the 1st screenplay, I didn't have that energy. I didn't feel the magic. Now that I'm starting a new, fresh, exciting story -- the energy is here, the thoughts flow in and constantly occupy my mind. In fact, there's so many of them that I'm getting confused. I want to do a lot of things, but I don't know where to start. I can't grab the story and hold it down while I examine it. It keeps changing.

I got my first review of SECRET SELF today online. It was good. The reviewer pointed out a lot of good and bad things about the script. She pointed out tons of areas to improve upon, which I agreed with. However, most of all, she inspired me to write even more. To prove her wrong. To prove to myself that I'm better than this. I can do all of this. I can do this and this and that and more. Just watch me.

I want to write, to make characters bigger than life, to make unimaginable events. I want everything so distinct, so clear, so magic, that the reader won't be able to turn his eyes away from the page. I want it so good that it's unbelievable.

script news; military spending

2004-09-14T14:06:00.000-05:00

Hmph, I need to get my head out of thinking about screenplays and movies. Yes, I did finish a readable draft of my 1st screenplay this morning, but there are other things in the world.

Yes, the $1999 projector that I ordered has been shipped out and should be at my house this week. Whee, this should give me plenty to play with this weekend.

Yes, I did find two more websites where I can get reviews on my screenplays. One of them is way too commercial -- it's all about advertising and selling, and not enough about improving each other's work. The other website, hosted by the director of The Godfather, seems promising, although it's not clear who or when I can get a review of my script. Oh well, I think I'm doing fine so far.

Ok, enough about scripts and movies, don't I have anything else to talk about?

Military spending. I figure after the fall of the Soviet Union, the US should have sharply cut spending on its military. But did it? I don't know for sure, but I'm pretty sure the military had plenty of reasons to hold on to their budget. Like attacking Iraq. Let's see, part of the money I earn goes toward killing some Iraqis. Where they really planning to attack US? Huh? I'm sure they were more concerned with the countries around them than some country on the other side of the globe.

The fact is no country will attack US. Why? In general, wars aren't very profitable nowadays, and people don't like them. Here's an idea to boost the flailing economy -- cut military spending by half and reduce people's taxes by the appropriate amount. See how it goes. I bet you it won't be half bad.

scriptwriting anniversary (2 months)

2004-09-13T11:21:00.000-05:00

It is officially the 2-month anniversary of my decision to pick up screenwriting. I need a little confidence talk. I think I'm doing all right for 2 months. I read 5-6 books about scriptwriting and more on the way from Amazon. I figured out the format and small nuances of the craft along with the standard 3 act structure. I read multiple screenplays and watched tons of movies. I write every day for two hours in the mornings. Perhaps I'll move it up to 2.5 hours sometime, although I haven't seriously thought about it. Maybe I'll try 2.5 hours just on weekends first.

My first screenplay, working title SECRET SELF, should have a readable complete draft available tomorrow. Right now I'm doing a quick 3rd draft -- quickly reading through it and making small changes regarding format and grammar. I have an outline completed for my 2nd screenplay, PLAYER. I plan to start writing the first draft on Wednesday. Then, depending on the feedback from SECRET SELF, I may do another draft(s) to SECRET SELF before sending it to some screenwriting competitions. Originally, I pushed myself to get started ASAP on my first major screenplay since I figured I can always write it off as practice. Hmm, I guess that means my 2nd should be much better :)

Anyway, I think it's pretty good for 2 months. I hope I can keep up the pace. My next major goals are honing my ability to recognize good writing/good stories, develop a better sense for comedy, and improve my dialogue skills.

The more I hear and read about writing, the more I realize the high subjectivity of writing. It's almost like poker -- hard to tell who is the best among a group of good players. What is this? I quit one gambling habit and get into another. That's why it was hard for me to do a major revamp to SECRET SELF in the 2nd draft -- I didn't have a good sense of what I needed and what was missing. I hope other people will help me out with this.

we care about those like us

2004-09-10T13:10:00.000-05:00

I'm kind of mad today. Several small things happened yesterday, none of which had much grand significance by themselves, but yet their whole force left me concerned up until right now, the small lump still pressing in my throat. I'd like to vent and write something mad, but I'm not sure what to write about.

My Hindu coworkers were discussing the significance and usefulness of US invading Iraq. Most of the conversation wasn't logical, it was fuled by emotional rage. I couldn't hear them very well, but time after time the words genocide and holocaust kept coming up.

I consider myself decently news-conscious, although I don't go out of my way to search for news. The news seems to find me, either online or continuously running CNN during my workout in the GYM. So, I think I know at least as much real newsworthy events as the average American.

However, somehow, genocide in Iraq didn't ring a bell for me. Maybe I heard something about it on the news at some point or maybe I never have. In any case, I started wondering: if it was real and people heard about it, would they really care? Take another example -- people in Africa are uneducated and dying of starvation, with some genocide probably going on there as well, but no one makes a big fuss about it. Or even tries to make a big plan or a consensus among the nations to free them from their violent disease-ridden existence.

Why? Because they're not like us. We are not Africans, we have never been there. They have their own culture and religion. They don't think like us. They do their business differently. They don't watch TV and they don't shower every day. They are a completely different people. As far as we're concerned, they may not even be human. They are suffering like the animals they are.

If on the other hand, businessmen with families, rich bankers, and other normal God-abiding people started to be singled out and persecuted -- now that would be a tragedy. Perhaps we could even use their suffering and glorify it in the name of capitalism on the big screen? Perhaps our movie about their suffering could even win a few Academy Awards? Perhaps many more people will join in and start building museums all over the place for their cause?

taxes in the writing business

2004-09-09T14:46:00.000-05:00

Let's talk taxes and accounting. I decided to order some more books online about scriptwriting and related topics since the book I'm reading at home right now doesn't excite me that much. Then, I thought to myself, you know if I keep ordering books, all this will add up. I really need to keep track of all my expenses related to scriptwriting.

Why? Well, because as any good accountant will tell you -- you must keep good records to make sure the government doesn't overtax you. Well, why do I need to worry about getting taxed if I'm not making any money from writing?

Scriptwriting is an individual business. In fact, everything a person does that makes (or could make) money can be considered a business. Right now my scriptwriting business has not made a profit. However, my hope is that someday it will. And when it does, the tax man will be there banging on my door for his share.

This is where good record keeping comes in. A business, such as writing, cannot run on thin air. It must have expenses that will offset the profits to figure out the final gain/loss for the year. Conveniently for the government, you can't deduct any losses for your business until it makes some money. (I need to check the tax code for this. Maybe I can take a yearly deduction as a lost investment, but probably not.) So, years and years of expenses could pile up until I make a sale or win a money prize at a contest. That's when the expenses come in. Once I make money, that's when I can deduct all the losses that I've accumulated from years past.

I started jotting a quick list of my expenses. I thought it would be just two or three things, but right away it found a life of its own. Here's what I got so far.

Expense Report:

11/28/2003 - Computer from Fry's - $450.00
12/?/2003 - Internet connection from Earthlink - $45.00/month from now on (need to check the exact amount)
12/1/2003 - Office space/utilities (1/5th of my place) - $150/month from now on (neet to check tax code)
7/14/2004 - Voice recorder and batteries from Fry's - $149.88
7/21/2004 - Books from Amazon - $90.70
7/26/2004 - HP Printer from newegg.com - $191.29
8/18/2004 - Netflix membership - $23.80/month from now on
8/22/2004 - 2 print cartridges from 4inkjets.com - $35.85
9/3/2004 - Office chair - $10.00 cash
9/7/2004 - Logline/Synopsis review at Helium Feedback - $1.00
9/9/2004 - Books from Amazon - $79.54
9/?/2004 - InFocus Screenplay 5000 projector from projectorpeople.com - $1999.00

overpopulation & family planning

2004-09-08T15:02:00.000-05:00

So, I hear you can't adopt any white babies in America. Apparently, all the white women are rich enough (or smart enough?) to have abortions. Instead, you can get plenty of black babies or Mexican babies. Even if you are lucky enough to score a white baby, it'll probably have diseases or HIV. If you want a nice clean white baby, you gotta go to a poor white country to get one, like Russia. So, not only is Russia the only major country with a decreasing population, but all their motherless children are given away to Americans and other Europeans.

It's a well known fact that within a couple decades white people will become a minority in US due to the breeding rate of blacks, Mexicans, etc. Is that a problem? Well, I don't think a white minority is a problem by itself, although it may be hard for the governement to remain predominantly white. The problem is the breeding rate. White or black, why are they having children if their children will either be adopted, grow up in poverty, or, genetically and economically speaking, just add to the uneducated population of the nation?

What is the American government doing about population control and family planning? Nothing! Instead, they concentrate on important issues like gay marriage, stem cell research, school prayer, tax levels, and other easy topics that can be dumbed down to one or two sentenses. Furthermore, most of the "hot topics" won't get a solution, don't need a solution, and no one expects a concensus to be reached or anything to be done about them anyway. It's just a fun game for politicians to sit around and call themselves important, meanwhile delaying their own boredom and getting richer from the "gifts" of their supporters.

Instead of badmouthing the government any more, let's get back to the issue. What should be done about population control? A growing population is necessary for economy. So, new people/workers are needed for the current ones to move up and get richer? That's a bad materialistic reason to support a growing population. We all know that the earth's ecosystem is being destroyed. More people means more cars, more polution, less forests, less nature. Is that what we want? Really, what's the point of having any more babies if we, as humans, can't put them anywhere? I think there need to be a few obvious discouragements from having children. There should be no tax credit for children. There should be a penalty for mothers and fathers who can't even support themselves when they have a child. There should even be a bigger penalty for fathers that leave their own children.

reviews require writing

2004-09-07T13:58:00.000-05:00

Lately, I have been doing even more writing. In the future, I'll probably continue doing even more writing.

I submitted the first 20 pages of my screenplay (2nd draft) to the website where people give each other reviews and offered to trade some reviews. I did two reviews of first 20 pages for other people so far. Both of them had strengths and weaknesses, although too many weaknesses to be considered good scripts. Perhaps that's why they wanted to be reviewed :)

It's a good site. I just wish there would be more people looking to trade reviews. Perhaps I'm thinking that way because I want to get some more reviews for my own first 20 pages. Although, theoretically, I have enough time during the week to do a couple reviews. Shouldn't every other serious writer? The detailed review of the first 20 pages takes 1-2 hours. The detailed review of the whole screenplay probably takes about 4-5 hours, I'm guessing. Completely do-able, plus you may learn a few things from the other author.

Hypothetically, the screenplay is never done. There is no final draft until the movie is shot. Hence, I can continue getting reviews for every one of my screenplays until they sell. But, they probably will not sell. What will I do with themthen? Put them aside and work on the next script, I suppose.

priorities for Labor Day

2004-09-03T16:09:00.000-05:00

Another decent day at work today, pretty productive compared with last couple of weeks. It's Friday before Labor Day. I really want to leave work now and go home to work on my screenplay a little bit, but I don't want to leave work too early.

While thinking about the long weekend plans, all kinds of thoughts kept popping in my head that I didn't want to be there. Making plans causes me a headache. I kept thinking that I need to get the car inspected, I'll soon need to send a lease renewal to my tenants, I need to mow the lawn, I need to do something fun this weekend, maybe I could do some work on the house, and then of course I should work on my screenplay, etc.

I felt my priorities went out of whack. Perhaps they are still out of whack. I need to prioritize my activities, and I know that. But time after time new thoughts of things I need/have to do keep popping back into my head. I'd like to concentrate on stuff I really want myself to do, but it is extremely difficult.

I know my top priority for my activities has to be finishing my screenplay. However, it gets tiresome writing all the time and reading about writing all the time and watching movies with a critical eye. So, I let myself think about other things I could do. And, all of a sudden, all these other worries and needs jumped into my brain and I have to fight to get them out.

I know I want to write a lot this weekend so that I can get through my 2nd draft relatively soon, but I don't want to exert myself because at that point it stops being enjoyment. I'm thinking too far ahead and I'm not thinking about the present. It's a pain in the ass. I'm half a year ahead of myself, wondering how I will submit my excellent screenplay into competition. Thinking about future is nice and all, but I'm doing too much of it, burdening my current enjoyment with unnecessary expectations. Then, everything else just becomes another expectation.

I wish I had a nice set selection or a schedule of activities for this weekend. Without structure, my life blows up. Look what an extra day off can do.

Relax.

do the right thing

2004-09-02T15:58:00.000-05:00

There's a high concept that people should do the right thing. Doing the right thing is considered morally and spiritually good, but it can also be very dangerous.

This concept is good in theory, but if fails in many practical applications. For example, during the Russian revolution of 1917 people were sick of the tzar's abuse of power and wanted to make everyone equal. They were doing the right thing. The Russian Orthodox church represented a problem, since they considered the tzar as the god's chosen ruler. In the holy view, the church was doing the right thing by defending their ruler under the eyes of god. So, if I was a Russian citizen in 1917, what would be the right thing for me to do?

The first attempt should be not to kill anyone. This can get very difficult and frustrating when all other parties are trying to kill each other. The second attempt could be to try and get people to think open-mindedly about the big picture of the world. This can be very difficult since most people are stuck in their conservative mindsets and the rest brainwashed by propaganda. Perhaps the right thing to do is give up and move to another country (US, Europe, etc.). Well, that's not heroic at all, leaving your homeland for whoever comes along.

I suppose the first action in doing the right thing should be learning to play the game. For people close to the communist party, the right thing to do may be to pledge their life to the party and then try to push for small changes as they get clout and respect. However, as is well known in the American political world, the system often eats up the "do the right thing" youth. As the person gets caught up in the game, he gets disillusioned, confused, and increasingly selfish.

So, does the statement "do the right thing" really mean anything?

feedback for writers

2004-09-01T14:48:00.000-05:00

The internet is amazing. You can find almost anything online. You can find many answers to life's common questions and you can buy all kinds of merchandise (without paying a hefty state sales tax). The internet is so cool -- it can connect any two people on opposite sides of the globe. All you need is a computer with an AMD processor and a plug :)

I found a screenwriters group in Austin using the internet. It was one of two major groups in Austin. I went to a couple meetings and found them friendly and helpful. I wanted to join that group, but found out that the membership is held steady at 20 members. In order for me to get in, someone else had to get out.

At the same time, I wondered why isn't there a bigger online presense by screenwriters. There's really one big reason for me to go to these screenwriter's meetings -- I'd like some people to read my screenplay and give me back their feedback and suggestions. The other benefits of meetings include face-to-face interaction and an opportunity to ask other small questions and exchange knowledge in real time. The meetings are really good, and fun and friendly too. I'd count them as a social activity.

Still, the main thing that screenwriters want is someone to read their work and offer advice from a different point of view. This is as close as today's writers can get to combining and using the unconscious knowledge of all people. In the old days, the stories were passed by word of mouth with each person making small changes as their unconscious saw fit. By the time these myths were written down, the stories have grown in grandeur and power. Today, maximizing the amount of feedback for writers is as close as we can come to creating a modern-day myth.

Today, we have the power, knowledge, and technology to create such myths. Still, today's greedy capitalistic system seems to favor the individual -- there's always one person who demands credit for all the work. Oftentimes, even at screenwriter's meetings, when feedback is given the writer doesn't write it down or ignores it, feeling superiour in skill to all the other people in the room. Why get feedback if you're not going to use it?

Personally, I plan to use my greed for fame to its advantage. I want as many people to read my screenplay as possible. It's likely not to get made, so the only value it will have in my heart is by other people reading it. However, I also want feedback for my work. My goal (at least right now) is not to sell my work, but come closer to perfection and gain knowledge for my future writings. Hence, I must have criticism, I must have suggestions, I must have changes.

I searched on the web for scipt analysis services, since I was thinking of letting a paid professional read my work. The price tag runs from $60-$150. Luckily, I encountered a site called Helium Feedback. The fellow that created the site has a vision for knowledge exchange and constructive criticism between writers. Amazing, since that's what I was thinking. I can let someone else review my work in exchange for me reviewing theirs. Or, I can review someone else's work for money, or pay $10-$20 for another person to review my work. That is so cool. There's potential here to get a lot of people to read my work, just like a screenwriter's group but much larger. The only issue is the site seems relatively new, having about 300 members. Hopefully, other screenwriters like myself will find it and use it, bringing perfection and power to future screenplays.

Why isn't there a bigger online presense among screenwriters? Perhaps they are too busy writing to surf the web.

writing in colors

2004-08-31T15:02:00.000-05:00

I wrote some code today at work using the programming language Perl. It was fun, since I haven't written code in quite a while. It seemed that writing programming code was very close to writing prose or screenplay or poetry. Use symbols and words, and put them in the right order to make some sort of sense. Due to its structured approach, programming code actually looks a little like poetry. Perhaps computer programming geeks are truly artists at heart?

Tomorrow I will start making changes to my first screenplay, taking it into 2nd draft. It'll be so much fun :) The software I use allows me to track my changes by automatically painting them a different color (red, or whatever I want). It's the same type of system that professional programmers use when they have to keep track of different versions of their code. Whee! Writing in colors, isn't that fun?! The more I change, the more color I see.

home and transportation -- main expenses

2004-08-30T14:23:00.000-05:00

I don't like the fact that things get old. You get something, thinking you've solved a problem. Then, before you know, this brand new beautiful item has gotten old and is now on the brink of falling apart. Once again, you have a problem. You must go out an replace it, wondering what happened. Where has the time gone?

If I live to be 100 years old, the year will be 2080. If I live to be 50 years old, the year will be 2030. Hmm, a lot of new houseowners are getting homeloans right now that end later than that. Doesn't seem too long away. By the time they end up paying for their brand new house, it may be falling apart with nails coming out and foundating sliding. However, on the bright side, 30 years from now the land will be worth that much alone, without the house, thanks to 3% inflation. So, the original loan will seem insignificant -- just another profit number for the bank. Loans are terrible, horrible things. But, who really pays attention?

Americans spend one of every five dollars on transportation, on their car. This is second only to the amount of money they spend on housing. What if we used our homes as transportation, wouldn't that be something? I could buy a small cheap RV, live in it and drive it to work (or, better yet, work from home). Some state parks charge as little as $3/day for long term campers. That means I can get $3x30=$90 worth of unlimited water and electricity for my RV every month. $90/month for housing! Won't that put a dent in my expenses?

Anyway, what was I saying? We all know that cars get old and houses get old. However, they seem to be continuous necessary expenses for all people. I wonder if there could be a more efficient way?

Americans work too much

2004-08-27T11:34:00.000-05:00

Seems like people have been working hard for centuries, always working
on making money to survive and get food. Nowadays, people still work
hard, especially in America. Some workaholics can't stop thinking about
work even when they're relaxing at home or skiing on vacation. Then,
when these people finally retire, their brains are so addicted to work
that they go crazy. They have nothing else to think about since all
they thought about their whole life was work.

Guess it can be called the necessary evil of capitalism. The
competition created by capitalism relies on hiding information from
others and working harder and harder to outperform the competing companies.
Multiple companies have to spend money and people resources to discover
the same exact things. There's little sharing of common knowledge going
on. People push each other to work and work to outproduce the
competition. Time spent on work, it seems, is a major competitive
advantage.

So now, instead of enjoying the fruits of human efforts over the past
centuries, people are stuck in offices doing work they've lost passion
for long ago. They're promised to enjoy the fruits of their labor
later, when they retire. Oftentimes, they tell themselves that they'll
do all the things they ever wanted later, when they have more time, or
when they retire. In effect, workers become slaves to their own system,
slaves of their own thinking, forcing their brain to stand guard over
their stressed out and exhausted bodies.

Capitalism encourages greed and selfishness, mostly exhibited by
hoarding money. I can't say I'm not part of the problem. After all, I'm
holding on to a decent job and saving (hoarding) money in hope of a
decent retirement. Perhaps if I didn't feel my job was such a burden on
my life, then I wouldn't save as much or need as much money. Perhaps if
I felt I could easily take a month or two off two/three times a year
and go live on a beach for a while, doing whatever I wished... Then,
coming back to work wouldn't be a dredging pain, it would be exciting
-- coming back to a new activity, something I haven't experienced for a
little while. Perhaps then I wouldn't mind working well into my old age
-- it would be fun again.

Overall, what I'm saying is that Americans work too much. I would find
my job way more enjoyable if I spent less time at the office.

imagination of movie audience

2004-08-26T15:08:00.000-05:00

After I watched the 1939 classic "The Wizard of Oz," a film I looked forward to, I was sorely dissapointed. I remember it was a great book in Russia and I was a fan of the series. I started thinking about the difference between books and film in regards to the audience using their brain.

People always tell kids to read books that develop their imagination. That is true. With the lush language of novels, the reader must imagine the situations in his mind. However, in movies everything is shown, so visual imagination isn't required.

The film is best at developing, what I call, psychological imagination. The audience will look at characters doing things and saying things, acting similar to how they would in the real world. From here, the audience must use their imagination and life experience to figure out what these characters are about and where are they going. The art of predicting character thoughts and actions is the strength of watching a film. After all, in real life people never reveal their true feeling to their antagonists. (Only in books, with their thoughts.) That is why the most memorable episodes in films are those were several things go on at once, where there're multiple levels of conflict and meaning, the more complex the better.

Me? Distraught?

2004-08-25T10:34:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I felt like I didn't want to do anything, and it seems to continue into today. I don't feel like reading, I don't feel like writing, I don't feel like eating, I don't feel like sleeping, etc. I come up with an idea to do something, but then when I come to it, I don't feel like doing it anymore. Perhaps I know deep inside that I want to do it and that I should do, but I just don't want to do it, period.

I'm wondering if it's because I've been pushing myself again. Perhaps. I recall playing the dancing game DDR a while back and getting painfully tired after a hard song. Then, I had the decision whether to stop or to switch to an easier song to dance. I decided to pick a hard song again and dance through the pain. The experience was painfully exhilirating. I wanted to go for the highest challenge, the highest difficulty. Perhaps I should dance through the pain once more?

car insurance laws

2004-08-24T11:11:00.000-05:00

I discussed my idea of reforming the car insurance business with my girlfriend yesterday, but I wanted to write it down here for future interest. The idea seemed quite interesting to me.

The car insurance laws ($20,000 coverage for body injury and $15,000 for the other person's car) favor the rich. Additionally, the laws aren't about responsibility and making your life easier, they are about liability and protection from lawsuits, causing poor people to live in constant fear of some uninsured motorist hitting them and leaving them stuck with the bill.

The road is a dangerous place. Often accidents happen where they can't point out who is at fault, and other times it becomes a judgement call. Instead of focusing on safe travel and peace of mind for all commuters, the laws instead focus on fingerpointing and ripping off the poor. I drive a $1,000 car, and I bet most poor to middle class people drive cars worth $5,000 or less. Great! If a rich person hits me driving in their expensive $50,000 tank, his insurance company will give me my $1,000 for my car without much fuss. However, if I hit that same $50,000 or $100,000 car and damage it, all of a sudden it is a huge problem for me with the possibility of lawsuit.

The governement must admit that the road is a dangerous place where anything can happen out of people's control. Poor people shouldn't be responsible for covering rich people's $50,000 cars. Why? Because people don't need to have a $50,000 car to get from one point to another. A car worth $5,000 or less does the trick. Anything above should be the car owner's responsibility. It is not the poor person's fault that the rich person is stupid enough to waste their money on a humonguously expensive piece of garbage with wheels.

Currently, there is a system of double coverage. I have medical insurance from my work, which covers me if I get into the hospital for any reason. Additionally, if an insured person were to hit me in an accident, that person carries medical insurance that will cover me as well. Effectively, if I were to get in an accident, I would have two medical insurances covering me. Huh? This seems like a waste of money for one of us.

The same double coverage happens with cars. Governement requires people to get $15,000 coverage for other people's cars, while people who do drive this $15,000 or higher car most likely have coverage for it already. So, their car is doubly insured in case of an accident. What a waste! Poor people, driving in $5,000 or less cars often do not cover their own vehicle because they can't afford it. In the end, they are the ones most likely to get screwed by the system.

I propose that the car insurance laws switch from the current system of fear and liability to a system of required personal protection for everyone. Each driver (and maybe even passenger) should have their own medical insurance that covers them for at least $20,000. Most people already have this insurance through their jobs. Additionally, the driver must have insurance that covers the lesser of: the value of their own car or $5,000. The driver will not be responsible for more than $5,000 of another person's vehicle. Then, let the insurance companies quarrel between themselves about whose fault it was, not putting it as the driver's responsibility to prove fault. This way, as long as I get into an accident with someone else who complies with the law, both of us will be O.K., no matter what happens. If I get hit by some uninsured Mexican, my insurance will still cover me and the Mexican goes to jail or gets deported. The insurance payments will drop for poor people and it will be the rich people's responsibility to cover their own rediculously expensive car toys. Problem solved. All fair.

Currently, insurance companies are the ones getting fatly rich from these laws, with little seen by the common person. It seems these laws do more good protecting the people not following them than people who do. Hmm...this might make a good lawsuit defense?

will we hear from the baby boomers?

2004-08-23T10:46:00.000-05:00

In the next 10 years or so the large baby boomer generation, people born after World War II, will retire. In America, this will be the largest number of people over 65 that the country has ever seen.

The big question: what will these people do? They will no longer be bothered by the stresses and rollercoaster of work and business life. They'll have time to sit around, play with their grandchildren, travel. I met a retired individual a few weeks ago who was working on writing a screenplay. Hmm, interesting; perhaps a bunch of these newly retired folks will be writers, bringing back the story-focused entertainment that existed in their days of 40s/50s/60s. Now, this also means that extra time will allow the retirees to think more. As they think more, perhaps they will uncover holes in our society and band together in new political groups to bring change to our world. Hopefully, all their activism won't be fueled by greed and selfishness.

I hope something happens. I hope old people aren't too old to think of new things, aren't too old to think open-mindedly, and aren't too old to quit accumulating wealth as they've been doing all their lives. It sure would be fun to see books and movies written by "new" elderly writers, as well as new groups organized for new political causes. Perhaps they'll want a new government?

following the crowd

2004-08-20T15:38:00.000-05:00

One idea I need to develop within myself is "Following the Crowd," since I'm trying to touch upon it in my next screenplay.

What I'm talking about is the old concept of "monkey see, monkey do." When we see someone doing something, we want to belong and do the same thing. When we see a group of people engaged in some activity, having fun, we want to a part of that group, having fun as well.

This concept can be seen in everyday life. Even though independence is preached all over America, are people (especially the youth) really independent? Driven by urges and emotions, and holding back their intellect, people jump into "popular" activities. Perhaps it is part of nature's mechanism to keep life going, or perhaps we are better than that?

One such "popular" activity is sex. Magazines are plastered with pictures of sexy (touched-up to perfection) girls and toned, muscular hulks. Half the events and dialogue on TV sit-coms revolve around sex. "Sex and the City" was built on the idea of couples hooking up in New York. From the people I know, the only globally acceptable topic of conversation is relationships and sex, seemingly never getting old. In fact, half the time I think that's all people want to talk about. Now, where am I going with this? All this group-like behaviour creates enormous pressure for young people just discovering the world of relationships. Also, it creates unnecessary pressures for people who may otherwise have different stronger interests in life, instead forcing them to focus on an area where they may be uncomfortable, and maybe even unwilling.

There's a multitude of other examples. Fame, for example. People earn for fame, for a sense of acceptance in this world, and they mindlessly follow in the paths of other famous people. They want to be actors and actresses, great athletes, or even writers. For what? No, not because they love those activities, but for money and fame.

It's a well known fact that people are attracted to other powerful people. The powerful people have a certain way of speaking, a certain way of doing things, a certain way of thinking. The idiot, wanna-be powerful, people copy what they see like a monkey. They try to talk and behave the same way. However, their mind works in a much different way, usually tainted by greed and by their own insecurities.

Suppose we achieve power, or fame and money, or endless supply of sex, or whatever we wanted that other people had. Suppose we jump through the hoops and do certain things and behave a certain way that leads us to this magical zenith. What would we do then? Most likely we'll be part of the crowd, and now new "underpriviledged" people will look up to us. But where will we be, inside? Will we be happy? Well yes, of course... or at least we thought we'd be. We should be happy, but not quite. Now that we are on top, our goal seems so small, and so meaningless, loosing power with each second we hold on to it. And what we went through, pretending to be somebody else, just to get here? For what? For this, this one thing, this one stupid thing? Is that really what we are, this one thing?

On the one hand, we must follow others, since we can learn from them. However, we must have a certain sense of individual purpose in ourselves, our own critical mechanism. If all we do is what other people do, then who are we? Why do we need to exist if we just copy everyone else?

investment weaknesses

2004-08-19T14:41:00.000-05:00

As you might have noticed, I've been thinking a lot about retirement and investment. The thoughts are coming from an idea that I have for a story.

The catalyst for my story idea was an article I read that described the likely changes the world will experience once the supply of oil is gone -- artificial inflation followed by a crash. So, without going into much detail, I want to dramatize the effects of the world running out of oil at a much accelerated pace. The real story will be about a man getting ready to retire early, who gets caught in this mess.

I've been thinking of ways to invest your money recently and the weaknesses that come with them. The three major ways to hold on to your money is:
1) Cash (bonds, treasury bills, savings accounts, etc.)
2) Real estate (land, buildings, real estate funds, etc.)
3) Stocks (mutual funds, index funds, options, etc.)

Most people tend to push most their money into stocks, since they offer the highest returns. Known wisdom recommends splitting your money between cash and stocks, with a little bit in real estate.

However, all these methods have weaknesses and none guarantee returns. So, all we are left with is saving our money and hoping nothing bad will happen.
1) Cash weakens every year with inflation. There have been years where inflation was higher than the interest rate you could get in any banks (worse than now). People actually lost money value by keeping it in banks. Furthermore, cash relies on the government, and we all know what kind of people run the country.
2) Real estate is highly burdened by taxes. Additionally, buildings deteriorate and need to be kept up. Furthermore, people's opinion is factored into the price. Real estate prices vary significantly with industries closing in the area, roads being built, nearby schools, etc. Plus, others need to have cash to buy your property. If no one can afford it, it's next to worthless.
3) Stocks -- ha! what can I say that you don't know. The whole market is based on people's opinions and speculations. The stocks jump when some guy says something. The stocks fall when a company announces great profits, but not as high as some hoped. Lately, some people have been demanding companies to pay dividents on their stock, assured it was the only way to really make money from companies.

So, what can people do? Diversify... and pray.

InFocus ScreenPlay 5000

2004-08-18T14:45:00.000-05:00

I've been looking at some projectors. It's not that difficult once you figure out what you want. There are not that many choices, really. My price range is $2000. I just got a $2500 pre-tax bonus at work since our group was profitable for the first half of the year; I was surprised, since I didn't expect anything. So, now it seems that spending $2500 on a projector and screen isn't that big a deal.

My requirements were the following. I wanted a high resolution wide screen picture (capable of HDTV). I wanted the highest possible brightness for the picture, so a movie could be watched with some lights and the quality wouldn't deteriorate much with the age of the lamp. Also, my ideal price range was $2K. So, taking these three simple criteria in account, there was only one choice: InFocus ScreenPlay 5000, which just came out August 4th of 2004. It has 1280x720 resolution, 1100 lumens of brightness, and priced at $1999. The closest thing better is priced at $3K-$4K. Why get something better now when in 3 years the same 4K projector will cost 2K or less? The closest thing worse was the same price but much less brightness.

Ok, so I want to get it. The product just came out, but, apparently, no one has it. The manufacturer hasn't shipped out any units yet. Ok, that's called bad planning in my book. They were supposed to ship some units August 14th, but apparently that slipped to the first week of September. Great, that means the distributors will get it 2nd or 3rd week, and then I'll get it from them at the end of Septermber. Hopefully.

So, should I get a different one? Hmm, doesn't seem to worth it. I'd like to have a projector, but I'm not in a big hurry. September sounds fine. Meanwhile, I'll just keep writing. I'm sure in the future, looking back, this one month delay will seem insignificant. :)

Also, I want it because it is called "ScreenPlay", a good reminder why I got it, for completion of my first screenplay draft.

screenplay update

2004-08-17T15:46:00.000-05:00

It has been slightly over two weeks since I said it would take me another 1-2 months to finish my first draft. Currently, I'm on page 93 and I have 2-4 pages left. I'll probably be done tomorrow or the day after. Apparently, it was more like 2.5-3 weeks.

Why was I so off? Well, perhaps I like to be pessimistic so that I can shatter the schedule later. Or, perhaps I was motivated by the fact that I'll get a home projector once I'm done. Also, I thought my screenplay would be closer to 120 pages (a page per minute of film). It'll be around 96 pages instead. It's ok, apparently I don't have as much plot for a full two hour movie, but at least I try to move the story forward as fast as I can. Lately, I've convinced myself that I prefer 90 minute movies anyway -- a major event happens every 30 minutes and you don't have much time to get bored.

Also, perhaps my writing has gotten faster with experience. I already worked out the outline for the story, so all I had to do was fill in the specific actions, descriptions, and dialogue. Besides that, I've extended my daily working time to 2 hours since last week. It's working out ok, I can handle it. I've been able to hammer out 5-7 pages a day.

All right, so there are a few factors that explain why I'll be finishing so soon. However, the fact remains that it's just a first draft. This means there's a lot more work left rewriting and revising. I can't even guess how much time I need before I feel the script is in "readable shape." I do know that after I finish up with the 1st draft, I'll take a break for a week or two and work on the outline of my next story.

Overall, the early completion of my first draft is a pleasant surprise for me. It means that I can get writing tasks done in a reasonable amount of time. I don't get it, how can professional writers spend a whole year working on a 100-page script? I'm a first timer and I can get a draft done in a single month, writing 1-2 hours a day. Oh well, I don't get the big bucks; we'll see what happens with the revisions.

what I'd do if I had time

2004-08-16T16:02:00.000-05:00

I wondered this weekend what would I do if I could retire today. Suppose I got a hold of $2 million somehow, so I didn't have to work anymore. What would I do, right now?

One reason for this question was to make sure I wasn't putting anything off in my life. I'm a strong believer in doing things right away; I don't want to make excuses such as, I need more time so I'll wait till I retire, or I need more money so I'll wait a few more years. These excuses are crap. I might be dead in a few more years. If I really want to do something, I should do everything in my power to do it right away. Otherwise, I never really wanted to do it, it was simply a fantasy without much passion or meaning.

The other reason I asked myself this question was to make sure that writing was the best possible thing I could do with my current time. I need to keep my activities in check to make sure they haven't gone "off course."

So, as I started thinking of things to do with my "new free time," I ran across a lot of activities that I've thought about before. Ideas such as volunteer, join a political group, make more money, and travel came into my mind. However, in the end the same exact thoughts popped into my head that have been there before.

I decided on what I'd do if I could retire right now. As my top priority, I would write. I'd write screenplays, essays, and perhaps other things. Also, I would travel, but not like a tourist. I would travel to new places where I'd write, never keeping a constant location for more than 2 or 3 months. I'd live (and write) on the Pacific coast for 2 months, then live in India for 3 months, then go to Greece for 2.5 months, etc. I wouldn't be a tourist. I'd be a local, keeping busy with my "local" job, writing. I'd experience the daily rituals of going to the grocery store, going to the post office, visiting a restaurant, going to the movies, etc. I'd live a normal daily life in a completely new environment. Of course, my writing would still be top priority, taking up a sizeable chunk of my day.

My top priority is being satisfied right now. But what about my second? Perhaps I'm making excuses, but it seems there's a huge challenge to being a "living" tourist, creating more problems than benefits. I must have a job to survive, so either I must work from home or change my location every so often. Changing jobs requires a serious time commitment of traveling to interviews, writing resumes, and making contacts. This time commitment is significant enough to seriously impact my writing time (top priority). Even contractors must constantly interview for new positions. Even then, this largely limits me to locations within the US. Working from home -- well, this may be possible, although very challenging. It is easier for software programmers than VLSI engineer such as myself. Also, there's the issue of time changes, since working may be challenging when the job hours correspond to my sleep time. Perhaps I'm being too pessimistic? I may do more research or re-evaluate the situation in a few months or a year.

retirement plans

2004-08-12T15:23:00.000-05:00

How much money will I need if I wanted to retire today? Let's see, if I want to hold on to my current lifestyle, I'll need much less per month than I currently make at my job. Currently, I spend a lot of money making "investments" into my houses, my retirement plan, my IRA, etc. Obviously, if I'm retired, I won't need to make any new investments, I'll be riding the investments I already made.

My ideal minimum retirement amount is $1.5 million. This amount guarantees I will never run out of money. I will stick this cash into some mostly-stable investment that returns a minimum of 6% for the rest of my lifetime. Since the inflation has been around 2.4% the last decade and averaged at 3% this century, I will keep 3% out of my 6%+ return in my "investment fund" and live off the other 3%+. So, 3% of $1.5 million would give me a yearly income of $45,000, which will grow each year at a rate of 3%. I think that's good enough, considering I won't have to pay for medicare, social security tax, or other expenses that come with working.

On the other hand, I may have some sudden expenses like medical bills. Or, perhaps, I'll decide that I need to tour the world for a couple years or something expensive like that. Who knows? Obviously, I don't have this money right now or else I'd retire. However, when I do decide to retire eventually, who knows what kind of person I will be and how much cash I'll need.

In reality, $1.5 million is much more than most people retire on. Usually, people determine the amount of money they need by their life expectancy. They decide on their desired monthly income during retirement, do some magic calculations, throw in social security payments, and wholla! They get the magic number. I suppose a couple in their retirement age need at least $200,000 today. They may choose to raise this cash by selling their home and moving somewhere cheaper. Otherwise, I guess they go for governement aid or keep working.

I don't think I'll retire for quite a while. Life will always have fun little expenses. For example, if I have kids I'll have to pay for their college. Or, I may need to help my parents or other relatives in Russia with financial problems. Or, what if there's a huge depression or a collapse of the capitalist system? Also, why worry about it since I can't even guarantee that I'll be alive by the time I "plan" to retire. Well, at least my wife/parents/relatives will have a blast with my cash :)

brain myopia?

2004-08-11T13:40:00.000-05:00

There's a phenomenon in human nature that I've been thinking about today. It's an example of a situation when people know what's good for them (using their intelligence) yet succumb to the desires of their emotions and instincts. I know I posses the same problem, although I suspect my egotism is largely to blame. For other people, it's something else.

The typical symptom for this problem goes like this: A good friend comes to you and says, "I've just read the greatest book. It is unbelievably amazing. It's the best book I've ever read. It lifted me to places I've never been." Being empathetic, you share his joy for a moment. He then says, "You must read this book. You will love it. Hell, here is the book right now. Take it home, so you'll read it as soon as you can." You accept his present, happy to have in your hands such a gem. You thank your friend and go home. You look at the cover of the book. It seems an intelligent person wrote this, and the subject touches the fabric of our society.

At home, you place this book somewhere where you can readily see it, deciding to start reading it this evening, since you have a few errands to run first. The evening comes, and you're tired, or your family wants to do something fun. You promise yourself you'll get to the book in the next couple of days. Then you're busy again, and other fun things pop up that you just have to experience. Days go by as the book sits there, collecting dust. Then, weeks go by. You start ignoring your friend, feeling guilty you haven't started the book. The book sits there, taunting you, a glaring symbol of your selfishness and lunacy. You hate the book. You take it and hide it, somewhere you'll never bother to look.

So, the trigger here is intelligence. Since the book was recommended by your friend, or by some critic regarded as well-read and high up in your eyes, your intelligence drives you to do something, something that'll take you to the limit of your intellectual experience. It doesn't have to be a book; it could be a movie, an activity, a piece of music, an item to get at the store, etc. The opposing forces are your emotions or instincts. They drive you to more "interesting" things to do with your current time, something more fun and "necessary."

This human condition came to my realization through the business of movies. Apparently, it is a problem (a financially beneficial one for Netflix) with people who are members of this online rental place. They rent a "good" movie that they really want to see, but then it sits in their house for weeks (or even months). Sometimes, they return the movie without watching it. The members gave this condition a term: Netflixia.

I first-hand witnessed a less serious symptom with my girlfriend's parents. We would tell them about a movie we just watched. Then, they'd get all excited and want to watch it, promising to watch it and return it (by mail to the online place) as soon as they can. Then, the movie would sit in their house for days, sometimes a week. I'd show up at their house again and notice the movie still there. I'd think to myself, "This is stupid. I know these people, they're not rediculously busy. If they really wanted to see this movie, why don't they watch it?" From now on, I'm not forcing anyone to do anything, and I will counter-argue my own suggestions.

By the way, I just saw "Casablance" yesterday. Great movie! Read my review on my other blog, Film Critic You guys should really see it. :) Here's some memorable dialogue from the film.
"We go to America soon. From now on we only speak English."
"What watch?"
"Ten watch."
"Such much?"

camera directions in screenplays

2004-08-10T11:07:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about a major stylistic difference in scriptwriting. Some screenwriters pretend that they are directors. They put all kinds of camera directions into their scripts, like PULL IN, PULL OUT, We move into the picture, We see, etc. Who is this "we"? "We" are the director, the cameraman. At first, I was intrigued by this style. It seemed new and unique to me.

Later, reading some books and articles on screenwriting, many writers and experts recommended against using camera directions. They said directors feel insulted by a writer giving them directions and most of the time they shoot the movie in their own style no matter what the writer says.

I agree, and I also extended my thoughts. Only 1 in a 1000+ screenplays actually gets made into a movie. So, why stuff a screenplay with all sorts of camera directions when the chances are insignificant that some film crew will actually follow them. It is more important for the writer to concentrate on the story, so that his piece (the screenplay) can stand as a great read whether or not it ever gets made into a movie.

Camera directions are distracting to the reader. When a reader comes across a camera direction, he is taken out of the story. Instead, he starts to think outside the story, as if he is the director actually shooting this movie. After running across many camera directions, they become gimmicks, boring and unpleasant to look at, dumbing down the screenplay, and glaring as symbols for the writer's lack of creativity. It is better for the writer to realize that his situations must be shootable (by a camera), but write them in such a way that is entertainingly readable and leaves plenty of imagination for the real director. Who is this "we"? "We" are not the audience. The audience watches the movie, they don't operate the camera.

The problem -- many current scripts are packed with camera directions. Perhaps this is why studio producers easily get bored of reading scripts -- they don't read like good entertaining stories.

I started reading the script for THE MATRIX, which was filled with camera directions. I quickly realized that I wasn't enjoying it. It didn't read like a story, it read like a "How to make this movie instruction manual." Still, some shots were creative and unique. I became doubtful whether some of the scenes could be written in a non-direction style. So, I gave it a try. First, I present my version of the scene, not to ruin your imagination by the real thing that follows. What do you think, if the whole movie was written in one style, which one is more entertaining/interesting?

My version, revised:

EXT. STREET

The handset of the pay phone lays on the ground, separated in the crash like a severed limb.

The mouthpiece protrudes up. On its surface, the smooth gray plastic spreads out like a horizon. The small holes, evenly peppered on the surface, widen like gaping mouths. Inside them -- darkness.

Darkness all around.

The blackness ripples with bright flashes of bone white. The eye of a skull surrounds the darkness.

It is a computer screen saver; the Jolly Roger flutters against an electronic wind. The computer hums in --

INT. NEO'S APARTMENT

The real version:

EXT. STREET

The handset of the pay phone lays on the ground, separated in the crash like a severed limb.

We are SUCKED TOWARDS the mouthpiece of the phone, CLOSER and CLOSER, until the smooth gray plastic spreads out like a horizon and the small holes widen until we FALL THROUGH one --

Swallowed by DARKNESS.

The DARKNESS BEGINS TO RIPPLE WITH BRIGHT FLASHES OF BONE WHITE as we PULL OUT of the eye of a skull.

It is a computer screen saver; the Jolly Roger flutters against an electronic wind.

We DRIFT BACK FROM the screen and INTO --

INT. NEO'S APARTMENT

voting system

2004-08-09T11:51:00.000-05:00

The election is coming up soon. I don't know exactly when. I don't care. All I know is that it's sometime this fall. Now, since I'm a registered voter, I suppose I will be voting. The question is: who will I vote for?

Who cares who I vote for? The candidates are driven by marketing and publicity and brainwashing, supported by campaign contributions, and nothing forces them to keep their promises. Huh? Let me get this straight. I will vote for some guy who will represent me at a higher level in the government. Hence, my decision will be based on whether I like him or not. What is this, tyranny? Why can't I represent myself? I don't want to hire some worker and hope he gets the job done. I want to get it done myself. Where's my money back guarantee? What if I stop liking the guy?

The main reason why people don't vote is because, like me, they feel they don't have a real voice. They are voting for the voice of someone else, someone they don't even know. Why should this person really care about them? He sais he does, but does he, really? The second reason people don't vote is the inconvenience. They have to register to vote, then they have to find where to vote, then they have to take time out of their busy life to go to this place. It's a pain in the ass. Why don't politicians do something about this voting problem, instead of quarreling about pop topics?

We have the brains. We have the technology. Right now. We can create a secure internet-based system of voting. Banks have created a secure system for transferring money; voting should be just like that. I'm not just talking about voting for your candidates, I'm talking about voting for real issues, things that really matter. People are not too dumb to decide what's good for them.

Politicians should decide which issues to bring up for a vote. Then, they would put their opinions in the vote system. Voters will read the summary, or read the whole argument, or even more information if they want to. People will think and talk about real issues again, as opposed to bullshit like whether Bush is "good" or "bad". I will read the opinion of my representative and (optionally) decide whether I still like him or not. Once the public opinion drops to some low for a period of time, the representative must be replaced. If the representative is truly "for the people," he could keep his job forever.

Every morning, I want to be able to "log in" to the voting system, and review the issues for the day/week for my city/my state/my country. Then, I can review as much information as I want and decide, right there, my opinion on the issues and whether I still support my representative. Now this -- would be real voting. As opposed to the current, "passive" system of participation -- fooling the people into thinking they have a voice. In reality, our voice is muffled by the political bureaucratic machine.

So, who will I vote for? I was thinking of voting for myself, for everything. One person I can really trust is myself. However, there's a problem. I am inelligible for some positions due to my age and not being a natural citizen. Who then? Michael Moore isn't a bad choice. I don't know whether he could get anything done, but at least he has the brains to point out some real issues in our society.

my scriptwriting schedule

2004-08-05T15:12:00.000-05:00

Let's see where I am right now. I have a few books on screenwriting, general writing, and dramatic writing. However, I'm still on the first book I bought, 100 pages from finishing it. The book is very good. The writer is surprisingly smart, although I disagree with him on a couple points. I still have 4-5 books I want to read after this one.

My original plan was to work (write, rewrite) on a screenplay in the mornings and think (outline, ideas) about another story in the evenings, given free time. However, it is apparent that my planned schedule leaves out time for reading/education (which I figured would be quick). Instead, I need to concentrate more and longer on education. My decision: I will only write in the mornings and read/educate myself in the evenings. My education may continue like this well into my 2nd screenplay. I will finish the fist draft of my 1st screenplay (currently on page 36), then I will work on the outline for my 2nd screenplay, spending a week or more. Then, with a fresh mind, I will go back and rewrite my first draft before letting anyone else read it. Afterwards, when I'll be writing my first draft for the 2nd screenplay, I can work on the outline for my 3rd in the evenings (assuming my reading education has completed). Currently I have an idea for my 3rd, a satire, but I need to figure out the story. What about additional/continuing education, such as reading more books and stuff? Well, I figure once I'm done with the ones I already have, I'll continue reading new ones and reviewing the old ones on the weekends. With my current library, I figure I'll read over most of the knowledge available on writing screenplays. Whether I remember it or not is another issue.

Another concern -- watching movies. How many movies should I watch? Well, we're planning to go to the Alamo Drafthouse cinema on Mondays, so that's 1. Then, Friday/Saturday/Sunday are good movie days, so I can watch 3 somewhere in those days. Then, I can probably squeeze another movie in on Wednesday or Thursday. So, that's 5 movies a week; I think it is a good number. At average running length of 2 hours, that's 10 hours of "watching the screen" per week. I think it's reasonable. Depending on my schedule and what's going on around me, that number may be raised to 6, 7 or even 8 movies. But, I wouldn't count on that. Good balance of 5 seems the best. Let's compare myself to the rest of America. I found statistics from 2003 that said the average child watches 28 hours of TV per week, average male adult 29 hours, and average female adult 34 hours. I don't think they included time for watching movies in movie theaters.

Last issue is my morning writing time. Currently I write for 1.5 hours in the mornings. I'd like to raise it to 2 hours at some point. I don't think there is much need to go above 2 hours in the mornings, since I'll probably be doing something screenplay-related in the evenings. Today, I'm in my 3rd week writing in the mornings. The first week was 1/hour a day. Second was switched to 1.5 hours. I think I'll do 1.5 hours for next week too, and then determine whether I'm ready for 2 hours.

law of conflict

2004-08-04T14:43:00.000-05:00

Life is conflict. Everything that happens in life happens through conflict. If there is no conflict, there is no life. We all know that people love to go to war. Well, war is a type of conflict. People are addicted to conflicts, but they tend to pick the worst fights without thinking them through.

Let me give you an example. Suppose I was a young kid living with my parents, yet I wanted independence. What do I do? There is a conflict, albeit not a physical one. It's me versus my parents, and me versus society. My parents refuse to give me enough money to support myself for the rest of my life, so I can't win that conflict. I decide that I need to get a college degree to get the job I want. I go through all the trial and tribulations of college and job hunting. Finally, I truimph over society and resolve this conflict with a nice job. What happens next? Seems like my life is beautiful without any conflicts. Well, after some small conflicts of moving and getting settled, my brain will tell me that it's bored. Once again I have a conflict. This time, it is me versus myself. It is me versus the demand of my brain for a conflict.

On a smaller scale, a bunch of conflicts happen to us every day, conflicts such as me versus hunger, me versus sleep, or, my favorite, me versus time. The way to recognize conflicts is that during a conflict, you want something. It can either be something new, or something you used to have but somehow lost (like lack of hunger, or happiness, or comfort). Then, you must take some action, which will either lead to the conflict being resolved or lead to surrendering and giving up. For example, if I'm thirsty (me versus my body), I could either resolve the conflict by drinking water or give up and, eventually, die of thirst.

Great examples, so what's my point? It is important to know that life will always have conflict. If I want to change the world for the better (me versus human nature or me versus institutions) and I succeed, then there will be a myriad of ways to change humanity for the better once again. There will always be ways to improve the human condition. Hence, I ask: why do we fight against each other, striving to gain some meaning in our life through our dominance? Why not fight against ourselves, fight for better humanity? It's just another type of conflict, a different type of war.

i'm sleepy

2004-08-03T13:17:00.000-05:00

I'm tired and sleepy today. I'm still recovering from the break of schedule during the weekend, plus I only got 7 hours of sleep last night. Me and my girlfriend went to see a late $1 movie at Alamo Drafthouse downtown (this may become a regular thing) which ran past my bedtime. Then, I woke up at 6:55am for my regular 1 1/2 hour writing session. Now I just want to lie down and go to sleep. Additionally, my body still hurts from a workout session at the GYM yesterday. Tonight, I'm supposed to go to a screenwriter's meeting. Hopefully I can stay awake and learn something.

The issue here is the break in schedule. We went to bed around 12:30am on Friday night and around 3:00am on Saturday night. In the morning, we slept longer, but not too much longer, not getting the full 8 hours. With Monday coming up, I had to shift the "new" schedule back by 4 hours and somehow make up for the lost weekend sleep. Understandably, I was walking around tired and sleepy yesterday as well. Now, with another hour loss on Monday night, I feel my intellectual productivity has reached rock bottom. All I can think about is that I'm tired and sleepy and I want to lie down.

I tested out the 20-minute nap during lunch. I heard that naps cannot be longer than 20 minutes because otherwise I'll feel much worse (probably the reason I don't like to take naps, period). So, I set my alarm and lay in bed for 20 minutes, starting to go to sleep. Then I woke up. True, I didn't feel much worse. However, I only felt better for about 2 minutes before my sleepiness returned.

What is this? I spend the weekend having fun (if you can even call it that) and sacrificing part of my productive time for what? So that I could spend Monday and Tuesday unproductive as well? Then what, I only have Wednesday and Thursday to be productive and the weekend returns again on Friday. This seems like a rollercoaster: fun->unproductive->productive->fun->etc. How am I supposed to get any of my own work done?

Now, on to my conclusion. For maximum intellectual productivity, I should not deviate in my schedule for, say, more than an hour in a stretch of time (such as the weekend). Extra sleep is ok during the weekend, but any situation that creates a lack of sleep or a huge break in my body clock is a huge no no.

should I get a home theater?

2004-08-02T15:23:00.000-05:00

Suppose I really liked movies and I wanted to watch them in the highest quality setting: the movie theater. The average price for mainstream movie theaters in my area would come out to about $8.25 per ticket. Now, since I'm a nice guy, I'd also take my girlfriend along and buy her a ticket. The question is: how much would my "hobby" of watching movies cost?

Well, that's easy. Looking at my records on my "Film Critic" blog, I've watched and rated 38 films since I started it at the end of June. So, that averages out to 1 movie per day, let's say 30 per month. Now, price of movie ticket ($8.25) times two people times 30 is $495. Hence, if I wanted to watch movies in a high quality environment, this hobby would run me about $500 per month and $6000 per year. This is more money than anything I own (I don't own my house since I'm still paying for it). And people wonder why movie stars and Hollywood people are so rich.

Now, the money isn't the biggest issue. I suppose if I really loved movies, I could afford $6000 a year to watch them. The more interesting question is how many of those movies leave me satisfied. A satisfying film is a movie that I can truly say had a great story where the makers went to high standards to entertain and convey their ideas, never boring or dissapointing me. Out of the 38 movies I've watched since starting my "Film Critic" blog, I consider a third of them good movies (with a rating 7 of 10 or higher). Now, this is keeping in mind that I have made an effort to find the better movies to watch. In reality, if I were to watch a random movie at the movie theater, I'd optimistically estimate a 10% chance that I will consider it a quality film. So then, if I watched 30 random movies a month at the theater, I would only consider 3 of them to be really good, entertaining stories. That would mean each year I'd be paying $6000 to watch 3x12=36 quality films, at a minimum $165 per each two hours of excellent entertainment. Now that is rediculous.

In reality, how much did I pay to watch all these 38 films? About $20, which averages out to $1.50 per quality film. That is reasonable. Netflix membership runs at $25 per month. Ok, I can handle that.

I've been thinking about getting a projector with a screen in the house, simulating the real movie experience in my home. This is a much better deal than a big TV since the picture could be as big as I want and take up much less room. The whole ordeal would cost around $2000-$3000. I actually thought about doing that some 3 years ago. However, at the time I didn't want to spend too much money and I didn't want to make such a big commitment to watching TV.

This same dilemma (minus the money) comes into play in my current life. However, there are improvements. I no longer waste time watching TV, I only watch the highest pinnacle of screen entertainment, which is the feature film. Also, I force myself to use my brain to cross-analyze and critique all films I watch, drawing out the meaning of life they are presenting. Additionally, if I become a serious screenwriter, serious about my hobby, then watching movies would be extremely helpful in analyzing and comparing other people's work. It'll be a must.

The key word in the last phrase is "if." So far, I've been reading and writing, going to a couple screenwriter group meetings, and I'm starting to enjoy screenwriting at many different levels. It is starting to make sense to me. I'm looking forward to my near future writing several scripts. However, so far I haven't written much, I haven't even finished a screenplay. I can't call myself a screenwriter. I decided that I must finish my complete initial draft of my first screenplay before returning to the "projector decision." I will see a lot better in 2 months.

new printer

2004-07-30T16:48:00.000-05:00

I put together the new printer today and tested it out. It's pretty cool. For some time, I thought that it would be nice to have a printer at home, just in case I needed to print something. However, I didn't see a real immediate need to get one, since I could always print a page or two at work if I really needed it. Then, my girlfriend needed to print outlines and class notes, which she couldn't do at school because they charged for printing. So, I figured it was a good "real" reason to get a printer. Right away.

It's funny. Not too long ago, I didn't even have a computer, so having a printer was no-issue. Now that I consider my current situation some more, having a printer can be quite useful for me. I've started writing recently, and at some point I will start going through cycles of editing and rewriting my work. Having a printer at home would speed up the process, putting it in the convenient home setting. I will need to print out my writing so I can read it comfortably :) Also, I can print out other screenplays if I feel like reading them, say, on a nice Sunday afternoon.

The feature I absolutely had to have was duplex printing, which means printing on both sides of the page. At work, if I print out a 130 page screenplay, it feels like a huge book, which seemed like a burden to carry and a waste of paper. At home, where I would print for my own use, I shouldn't have this problem of bulky print-outs, I should have nice compact reading material. So, all the cheap-o printers that cost around $100 do not have automatic duplex capability, but they offer an add-on for another $80. Stange to me, since I figured duplexing would be a much higher need in this world of information and environmental concern. Pretty costly for some little add-on, almost the cost of a new printer. Instead, I bought a high-end printer for $180, which came standard with the duplex functionality. It's cool, and it's large.

Now, if only I could think of some cool stuff to print. Damn, I better write something quick :)

cats and dogs

2004-07-29T16:25:00.000-05:00

I have a couple topics that I want to talk about, but they're written down on my home computer and I don't have access to them at work. Now, what's really on my mind is the concept of "change" at all levels in a storyline; the difference between "Hollywood film" and "art film"; and the persona surrounding Robert Mckee, a famous scriptwriting instructor. However, I don't want to become too narrow-minded in my blog, so I've decided to make an effort to switch subjects as often as possible.

Today's topic: are dogs better pets for humankind than cats?

Some people like dogs, others like cats. What gives? First, there's aesthetics. Are cats more attractive than dogs? I feel the difference in their looks is insignificant. Both cats and dogs are "cute" enough for me.

There're other physical differences between them, like the amount of hair, amount of food they need, their loudness, etc. All these are less interesting issues since in the end it comes down to people's tastes and what they can tolerate.

Now, suppose I wanted to have a child and I decided to get a pet first to "train" myself taking care of someone. I believe dogs have a wider range of mental states. They can get really attached to their master or, they could be traned to hate their master. There's a common saying that "dogs have personality." Cats, on the other hand, although occasionally having sudden rushes of emotion, are generally detached from their master, doing their own thing and minding their own business. Their main purpose of existence seems to be for entertainment, enjoying a good rub by their master--not because they care, but probably because they like it.

So which one is more like a human? Cats are generally egoistical, holding on to their wild side and doing whatever they want. Seems like a lot of Americans are like that. Dogs are trainable, capable of reaching a much greater love for humans, always ready for human company. I suppose you could try raising a cat as a child, realizing the large frustration you're likely to face when the animal has no empathy during your "down" days. Dogs, on the other hand, have better sense for the mental state of their masters, and hence better at empathizing. Dogs are better companions, being able to stay friends forever. Cats are like acquaintances, friendly only on the outside, good for brief entertainment. Overall, the difference isn't that significant, since I'm sure there're breeds of dogs more like cats and breeds of cats more like dogs. If you could afford to buy a specific breed of animal, then my generalization isn't very helpful.

tell me something new

2004-07-28T15:51:00.000-05:00

Every step I take forward, there's adventure, excitement, opposition, diffuculty. Every step I take back, there's comfort, support, boredom, predictability. As time ticks by, my head feels bloated. Sleep is great, if only I could control my dreams. Rest is good, until it's time to take the step forward.

I ate some cake today, given in celebration of Lance Armstrong's 6th victory. As I tried to find meaning in the tastless desert with the think white frosting, I wondered how cheap it was. I wondered, if, perhaps, the celebration was a celebration at all. Or was it just something to do? A pinch in our life, like a twist of the plot. If we take a mouse and put it in a maze, we can have a celebration when it gets to the cheese.

A third paragraph is necessary because things come in threes. Otherwise, we would be insane. If you take away all our traditions, all our ways of doing things, all the things that we have, our culture, will we still be human? I sleep and eat and think and work and write and.

my liberal side?

2004-07-27T14:01:00.000-05:00

Is conservatism bad? It would be silly to call it bad since it exists in each of us. Perhaps it is best to have a mixture of conservatism and liberalism in one's body. After all, conservatism can be a powerful tool. For example, with behavioural conditioning we can train our body to do a task. Afterwards, our body is so used to this task that it refuses to do anything else, a sign of conservatism. A lot of great tasks have parts that are tedious but still important. Without conservatism, we will not be able to enjoy these tasks past the point of our mastery of them. If we were 100% liberal, why would we ever want to go and make money for ourselves, or at least more than we absolutely need?

So then, I seem to be making an argument that I have too much liberal forces within myself. I wondered whether I need more conservatism within myself to accomplish a given task and "fit in". To me, the sign of my liberalism is my constantly-changing mindset. I come with an idea, then the idea evolves, then it changes into something else (a new idea), etc. This process repeats without stopping, grabbing inputs from what I read, watch, and notice around me. Like I've said before, I have the ability to "think" myself out of any task. The fear here is that I may end up going in circles in my own mind, forgetting ideas I've learned and re-learning them later. So, as a sign of conservatism, I've started this blog, putting these ideas into a literary stone, forcing myself to accept my ideas on a non-changing medium (paper).

Another interesting (liberal?) side of myself is my enjoyment of analysis and counter-points. Example. A person comes and tells me something (usually in their mind, this is largely an absolute opinion, evidence of their greatness and "goodness"). In my mind, it's an interesting topic open for debate. I may (and usually do) agree (51%-80%) with their opinion, yet I use this opportunity to probe deeper into the subject with a counter-point, aiming to draw out useful/entertaining insights that I haven't thought of. This process is much more interesting if the person is intelligent, since there is a higher probability of them teaching me something. Unfortunatelly, what usually happens is the person gets upset at me, seeing my counter-point as a personal attack.

I have noticed this ability in my mother (perhaps that where I got it from). It may have been taught as part of the scientific method, to constantly question what's happening, optimizing our results to the most interesting and valuable. In real life, people don't think or optimize, they go to war. What am I to do? Am I to smile and nod like an idiot, pretending I'm alligned with everyone else? Herein comes the conundrum. If I met someone like myself, and both of us have learned to smile and nod like idiots in the effort of not offending anyone, how are we to make a connection and break past this "robot mentality?" Won't we each leave thinking the other one is an idiot?

conservatism in political parties

2004-07-26T11:36:00.000-05:00

Having read a few articles on conservatives versus liberals, I came to a new hypothesis which helps me understand why I dislike the idea of political parties in America. My hypothesis is that all political parties are inherently conservative; the act of forming political parties is an act of conservatism.

To prove the hypothesis, we first need to understand what is conservatism and how it works. The basic nature of conservatism is dividing the world into good and evil. This is a largely absolute division, without much between good and evil. Conservatism is the need to have a strong moral character to fight these numerous evil forces in the world. As conservatives, we cannot let evil survive and we must destroy it. Since we are morally good, we must rise in society (and in wealth), since it is a victory for the good side. Everyone who opposes us, such as liberals, are morally weak and do not comprehend the dangers of the real world. Furthermore, everyone who is not with us is against us.

As children, humans are open-minded and liberals. They become conservatives when they see, hear, and experience the misfortunes of the world around them. Personal experiences of violence, hatred, or disregard for other humans are strong factors in forming a conservative mindset. Our mind likes models and simple explanations for everything. Hence, it is only natural to make the distinct division between good people and bad people. Since we know better, we label ourselves as good. Later in life, it becomes easier to label people as evil. We see evil people as those that are not like us.

Perhaps you've guessed the source of conservatism by now. In the world, conservatism creates more conservatism. Who are the terrorists who blew up the World Trade Center? They are conservatists, people who have learned through their life experiences that the US stands for the "evil" in the world. So then, instead of solving why they think US is "evil," America comes up with the conservative solution to fight this "evil" with war. War, in turn, creates much more conservatists, people who experience the death and violence caused by America. They, in turn, label America as "evil" and strengthen their own conservative mindset. Conservatism, in its purerest form, is the narrow-mindedness in people that has been strengthened and blown out of proportion. The sad thing is that as the planet becomes more and more overpopulated, as humans continue to fight for resources, it will become easier and easier for conservative mindsets to form.

Who are the conservatists? Answer these questions:
Is Bin Laden bad?
Is president Bush bad?
Does this dress look good on me?
Is communism bad?
Was "Farenheit 9/11" a good movie?
Is eating raw snails a good meal?
Are you a good student?

If the answer to any of these question is the absolute "yes" or "no," then either it is a sign of conservatism or you're lying for the sake of your audience. A better answer is understanding cause and effect, how these events happened that lead you to your conclusions or what you predict will happen to support your current guess. I agree, it seems impossible to be completely non-conservative. Myself, I'm conservative sometimes and liberal others. The fact is that it is much easier for my mind to be/act conservative. However, I try to understand this process and I make an effort not to put absolute right/wrong yes/no black/white labels on things. I come to certain conclusions and I voice them. However, I probably do not believe them 100%. My opinions are generally 51%-80% of my confidence.

So then, we come back to political parties. The act of breaking away and forming our own fort of morality and what we think is "good" is an act of conservatism. Political parties have well-articulated, exact stands on issues. Apparently, they know what Americans need and what's good for them. They seem to think that their party is "good" and everyone else is "evil" or needs help. Everyone is putting answers in our face without really deep consideration behind them. No one is open to changing their mind; they've already decided what the world needs. It seems to me the entire system is built on conservatism. Even "liberals" are fighting among themselves for what is "good" and "evil."

This is rediculous ... I want to think about problems and identifying as many root causes and factors as possible, questioning if the problem is really a problem or where the real problem lies, analysing effects of the suggested solution, etc. However, politicians nowadays suggest band-aid solutions to some problems that don't even exist, and spend most of their time growing their own public image. As far as thinking is concerned, all they have to do is listen to someone else decide their actions for them.

Michael Moore, dear buddy, as you have uncovered more "truth" about the American governement, don't let these "evils" lead you to a pigeon-hole solution. When you state that you know the answer to our "evil" problems, you become exactly what you've hated. Generally, there is no good or evil, there is cause and effect.

setting goals

2004-07-23T17:07:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, certain goals in life are unreachable. At least, they seem unreachable. People give up after they've tried their best and they're no closer to the goal than they've ever been. This process of giving up is partially related to pessimism, the root of depression.

Is there such a thing as the perfect goal? Perhaps some people turn to pessimism because they don't understand the goals they set for themselves (or others set for them).

The three important elements of a goal (that I can think of) are time, control, and challenge. First, I'll talk about challenge. It is the level of difficulty of the goal. The person setting the goal must understand the difficulty involved, must be able to be realistic of his abilities and must be able to see himself completing the task. If you set a goal that you've never imagined yourself of completing, there's less likelihood it'll get done.

The second element is time. Some people set goals without a time in mind. How could they bring themselves to doing something when they don't know when it has to be done? There's no urgency and no motivation for them. Suppose my goal/task is to paint the house. Well, that's a great goal and all. It'll still be a great goal next year, and the year after, and so on until I (or someone else) stamps a date on it.

A similar problem with time is goals that are too far in the future. If I make a goal for myself to do something in the next 5 years, then, once again, I won't feel any pressure or motivation to do anything right now. 5 years is too long, plus who knows what can happen during that time; I might loose interest. Generally, a more realistic time scale is 1 week, a month, 3 months, or 6 months.

The last thing with time is realism. I have to be realistic about how long a certain task can take from my pool of experience. The problem that happens all the time in companies is goals for project that keep slipping and slipping their schedules. The management does not take into account sudden changes, or laziness of the workers, or the political finger pointing that goes on. They need to have individual weekly goals and a good reward program to really get stuff done.

The most interesting aspect of goal-setting is control. A person must be realistic about how much actual control he has over the completion of the goal. How much does he rely on other people, the weather, luck, or other junk in completing his goal. Obviously, if most or large part of the goal is out of his control, the goal needs to be changed to be directly proportional with the person's abilities. For example, if I'm the coach of a football team, my goal may be to win the championship. However, in reality the players will be playing in the game and not me, plus there's a certain randomness in the games and how players feel and a multitude of others that affect the outcome. Thus, a more realistic goal may be to be one of the top 10 teams. The statistics even out to the point where we can definitelly say that a coach is good if his team is in the top 10 year after year. On the other hand, a coach that wins the championship once and never returns may have gotten lucky.

the story, part 2

2004-07-22T15:31:00.000-05:00

As I'm dwelving more and more into the art of storytelling, I'm becoming convinced that storytelling can be viewed as a science. It is a science of human psychology and social behavior. Apparently, I have started writing my first script (4 days into it) without a solid understanding of what a good story truly is. Now, I'm thinking I need considerable restructuring of my plot to maximize my story's effectiveness. Although, on the other hand, I know I have much more learning to do, so I should not look at my first script as "the perfect story," but as "the learning story."

I've encountered an interesting pattern in human interest of stories. As children we are drawn to tales of fantasy and magic, where animals talk and witches fly. As we grow up, we see through the veil of "silliness" in these "childish" stories and we come to appreciate the more realistic tales of love and vengeance, war and revenge. We can watch the tale of alcohol abuse and feel the power, appreciating the film as great art. But, personally, what I really long for is the return of the "silliness" in kid's stories, yet I also want a deeper meaning and point to the story. I want to see more than just some orange fish going on a predictably long and boring journey to find his son Nemo. Herein lies the conundrum: adult dramas carry much meaning of real life but are incredibly tedious and boring, while children films are colorful and fun, but usually too stupid, carrying little or no meaning. Both types of films tend to be predictable.

It is necessary to understand the evolution of the story throughout human history to come to your own conclusions. For thousands of years, stories were passed orally from generation to generation, through thousands of people. The story changed considerably along the way, each person adding it a piece of his unconscious creative power. In the end, the famous fables came to be metaphors for some hidden truths of human existence. After all, it is much more fun to tell a story of a bunny and a turtle than just say that speed doesn't always win. It is much easier to remember a good story than a lesson. The amazing thing is that we do not need to understand the point of the story. The hidden meaning is stored in our unconscious minds only to be revealed when we finally encounter a similar situation in real life. Hence, old stories do not force their lessons onto people. The lessons always stay with people and come to aid when they are needed.

The three starting points for making a story are 1) idea, 2) plot, and 3) character. Modern screenwriters have figured out that the best way to sell their story is start with a good plot or a great character. Ideas don't sell because they're hard to deliver. Well, these writers are right. Ideas and meaning don't sell by themselves because they need to be hidden, since they can only be appreciated by the unconscious. A needed idea must be hidden among plot and character to make this magic connection with the audience. The audience will automatically remember the story once they encounter a situation in their own life represented by the hidden meaning, making the story unforgettable.

the story

2004-07-21T13:01:00.000-05:00

As I was sitting down in my typical confused state, with countless thoughts whirling around in my mind, I decided to recollect how I got here.

1. I wanted to do something important in this world. This came from my drive to validate my existence on this planet

2. By analysis of what's going on around me, I felt my top priority was to change humanity for the better by encouraging them to think more instead of blindly following their emotions and instincts. Any little change would help. Personally, I have not completed this road of my own advice and I continue to change.

3. I came to the conclusion that "the story" is the most powerful way to change humanity on a large scale. A good story develops empathy for the main character and follows his discoveries, which appear to the audience as their own discoveries. In effect, the audience and the character in the story become one, so the audience changes as they would from their own experiences. Hence, I decided to be a screenwriter.

4. Then came the realization of the extreme difficulty of any story I wrote being made into a movie. This normally shifts the common screenwriter's focus from the importance of "the story" to the importance of catching someone's attention. A battle currently rages inside of me as I see my original goal of making a movie for the masses getting further and further on the horizon, blocked by the growing mountain of money, showing the grandeur battle by screenwriters for king of the hill. What's the point of being a screenwriter if the movie I want to show will never be made?

5. Yesterday came to me an interest in the psychology of the story: why and how I can "touch" people with a story. Why is a good story good?

To be the screenwriter I want to be, I must have willingness to write screenplays as a quest to create "the perfect story," without commercial interests in mind. I must be satisfied with the creation of my story (screenplay) which may be read by ten or less people and be left in a box for the rest of its life.

Let's answer the question: "what is the perfect story?" Ideally, the perfect story appeals to everyone, yet I know that some stories that appeal to me do not appeal to other people. Do I write "the perfect story" for myself, me being the entire audience? In the end, I may be the only person that I can change. Well, at least I'll change someone :) In the end, must I write only for myself?

The psychology of the story may be a much larger subject than I imagined at first. It not only covers the screenplay, but it goes down to the everyday conversation between two people about how their day went. After all, people are telling stories to each other and, hopefully, given what they have to work with, they can tell "the perfect story." Perhaps it is human nature to only listen and trust and respect those people who tell good stories. Thinking of it, right now I'm writing the story of my life. Is it any good? :)

"The story" seems like an important element in reaching agreement among people. It is important in communication. Why was I never taught about it? Why do I have to figure out on my own how to understand people and make my own stories so that others will understand me? What happened to Rhetoric: the study of communication of truth and reaching common grounds in understanding? People have not been taught to really understand each other. After teaching Rhetoric since ancient times, our recent western system threw it out the window over a century ago. Now, no one really knows how to understand each other. They think the act of understanding is like magic. In reality, theories of understanding have been developed since the ancient times ...and now lost. Perhaps this is why hardly anyone can have complex conversations which involve deep levels of understanding, without blowing up first. All we can really talk about is the weather. Think.

"We create ourselves out of the stories we tell about our lives, stories that impose purpose and meaning on experiences that often seem random and discontinuous. As we scrutinize our own past in the effort to explain ourselves to ourselves, we discover - or invent - consistent motivations, characteristic patterns, fundamental values, a sense of self. Fashioned out of memories, our stories become our identities." --Drew Gilpin Faust

predictable movies

2004-07-20T17:16:00.000-05:00

Movies (and people, to a lesser degree) are extremely predictable. With a little knowledge of psychology, some self-understanding, and/or experience in observing, everything can become incredibly clear. So clear, in fact, that it can appear painstakingly boring. Well, I, for one, refuse to fall into the stereotype of "what other people are interested in." Who can really tell what they're interested in? Perhaps they are as bored as I am and they refuse to admit it. Perhaps they are chasing the stereotype themselves, chasing un-interesting subjects because they think othere people are interested in them. The whole situation could be like a dog chasing its tail.

One prime example of predictability of movies is the happy ending. Some people like happy endings. I think these people are braindead. Or maybe I'm too harsh. After all, happy ending is enjoyable and it leaves that bubbly feeling of goodness in your tummy. You go out into the world happy as you can be. I call this: disillusion with reality. If you believe or want to believe that what happens in movies is remotely true, then you may start to believe that no matter what you do, you'll eventually end up living a happy life, in your own personal version of the "happy ending." Hence, no matter how many bad things you do (or people you kill), there will always be a happy ending for you. :) Now, where's my gun?

The "happy ending" makes movies predictable because you know it will happen. For those rare cases of movies without happy ending, you know relatively quickly there will not be a happy ending either due to the tone of the film or due to the screwed up hero, who can never be happy no matter what happens to him. So, I sit in the movie watching the poor hero hanging with his life by a thread, getting caught in the jaws of death, and I feel nothing. I know the ending will be happy, so the only question becomes the specifics of his escape on his way to defeat the evil villain. Great ... seen that a thousand times before :(

The "happy ending" makes people happy. The "unhappy ending" makes people sad. Some pessimistic people get depressed. Other normal realistic or optimistic people start to think. They think: why am I sad? What went wrong in the story? What can I do to make sure something like that doesn't happen to me? What can I do to make sure it doesn't happen to humanity, ever? Hence, an "unhappy ending" makes people think, while the "happy ending" disillusions people about themselves and the world.

The solution is to have a balance of happy, neutral (bittersweet), and unhappy endings. No only will this keep the audience from getting bored since they already know how the movie of "this kind" will end, but it will mentally stimulate them, instead of receiving the same exact "happy pill" over and over and over.

But wait, you say, if the ending is sad and the movie makes a lot of money, how is Hollywood supposed to make a sequel? Ok, so just in case the movie is incredibly popular, they should make every movie happy to earn a few extra bucks at the expense of boring and scaring away their audiences? I say sequels suck. If you must have one, make a prequel and then have another sad ending in the end. I know it may not make logical sense, but it would be incredibly original. A better idea is to make a completely new original movie. After all, all movies made seem like sequels and pieces of other movies anyway.

What do I do in life? (conversation with my subconscious)

2004-07-19T11:52:00.000-05:00

Am I sitting here procrastinating from writing or is there really something more important for me to do? Writing is training, but I don't have to write right now. I can always write later, plus I've already decided that writing my screenplay is more important, so I shouldn't have any pressure to write in my blog at all. I should think about something, about what's next, about what I'm missing, about what I need to do, about when I'm going to the GYM, about how the stock market is doing, about what I'm having for lunch, about what movie I'm going to rent next from the online service. God! Most of these thoughts are so stupid! I need to find some useful thoughts, some important thoughts, some meaningful thoughts, some helpful thoughts. Argh! What can I do to help humanity?

Well, that's easy. For example, just go to the library and volunteer to put books on the shelf. It helps people, and you've already done it before.

Well, that's great but it doesn't sound very interesting.

What do you mean not interesting? It is helping people, so what does it matter what it is? You know a person can get used to doing practically anything.

Well... It's just not for me. Maybe I want something that helps me as well.

What are you talking about? You want to help other people AND help yourself? What's the point? Just pick one or the other. Or, even better, just do something. In the end, it doesn't matter what people do, as you know. It is more important to have something done. It is much better to be doing something than sitting around thinking about it. After all, people don't follow a leader to where he thinks he should be going. People follow the leader where he is, physically, going.

What's your point? How does it help me right now to decide what's the best thing to do?

Good question. Just do something. There's always time to think at other points in time, like when you're driving in the car, or you're working out at the GYM, or you've set time for yourself to specifically think about some very specific issue (like the plot twist of a script). If you would've thought of something important, wouldn't have you left a message to yourself to do this important thing already? Hence, seems like these minor thoughts that you have throughout the day are light, erratic, and carry little meaning. When something comes back to you over and over and over--that's when you know it's important.

Seems hard to comprehend. What if I finish some task, like this one, how do I know what to do next.

Don't worry. If you have a conditioned drive to do something, you'll start doing something else very quickly. It's important not to waste too much time thinking about what you need to do since most of the time those thoughts are meaningless.

Wait. This isn't making any sense. How do I know what is the right thing to do if most of the things I think about are meaningless? Is that the whole point? That it doesn't matter?

When you're on your deathbed, and you look at what you've done throughout your life, are you going to tell yourself: "Well, I did a lot of thinking about what I should have done." No! You're going to tell yourself: "I did this and this and this." The thing is, who are you to question what you did back then and why. By the time you're old, you'd be a different person anyway and the things that you did back then would be already done and it would be a waste of time wishing to undo them. The only thing that would still matter is what you're doing right now. How are you living your life to the fullest right now, whether you're on your deathbed or you're a sex-crazed teenager?

Interesting. If I take this theory even further, it means that right now and when I'm 60, I would be a completely different person. Assuming, of course, my mind won't be conservative and I will keep changing. I know all the tissues in my body will be remade numerous times and my way of thinking will change dramatically. There will be more differences than similarities between the old me and the young me. The only way to be the same person when you're born and when you die is to never think about anything. So, by thinking constantly I'm becoming a different person even faster.

That's right. And the only thing that keeps you the same person throughout your life is the credit for all the things you've accomplished. You look at your diploma and you say you did it, since your name is on it. In reality, the other person did it, the younger you that is no longer you. You just get to take credit for him now.

So in that view, death is meaningless. My current self is dying every second and being born into a new self. The mind and body of my current self will change and he will die. After today, I will no longer be the person I was today. It is even ludicrous for other people to expect from me the same things tomorrow as they did today, because I'm a different person. It even parallels the physical death. We die and become part of the earth, which is the building block for new organisms.

True. When you die the only thing you really loose is the credit for your accomplishments, which, by that point, have become your identity. Additionally, it is meaningless for you to think of yourself as one absolute distinct entity. In reality, there's only one entity. The universe.

A BREAK (practice screenplay)

2004-07-18T08:20:00.000-05:00

FADE FROM BLACK

INT. KITCHEN - EVENING

BONNIE puts dirty dishes into the sink.

BONNIE
Sweetie, could you wash the dishes?
(beat)
I need to call my mother.

VAL
Ehh, ok.

BONNIE
Thank you babe.

BONNIE kisses VAL as he stands there.

INT. LIVING ROOM - LATER

BONNIE walks by on her way to the kitchen. VAL is playing
video games.

BONNIE (O.S.)
VAL, I asked you to do the dishes.

VAL mushes buttons on the controller, intently staring at the
TV.

VAL
Hold on a sec.

BONNIE (O.S.)
What am I supposed to do now?

VAL
I said, hold on a sec!

BONNIE walks into the room.

BONNIE
Great! Just great!

VAL
I was about to do 'em. Just ...

BONNIE
You're about to do everything.
You're about to fix the toilet.
You're about to take me to the
park. You're about to buy me some
flowers.

VAL
Hold on!

BONNIE
This is ... crap. Look at yourself.
Always playing your stupid games or
something other. It's never about
me anymore.

VAL slowly puts down the controller, frustration brewing on
his face. He turns to face BONNIE.

VAL
Look, I'll go do the dishes right
now!

BONNIE
Finally.

VAL
Can't you give me a little slack? I
work all day, and what do you do? I
don't even know what you do with
yourself.

BONNIE
I take care of your stuff, your
house. Sitting here worrying about
you all ...

VAL
When are you gonna get a job? This
is getting ridiculous.

BONNIE
Will you give me a chance to ...

VAL
You just waddle around the house
half the time. Watching your stupid
soap operas and talking on the
phone to who knows what!

BONNIE
You don't get it.

VAL
What's there to get? It's simple.

BONNIE
My parents support me, and you,
(beat)
And you ...

VAL
Your parents are dumber than a
rock. They just don't get it. They
don't know what the real world is
about.

BONNIE
They are smart in their own way.
It's all how you look at it.
Perhaps they use a different part
of their brain than you?

VAL
Yeah, the stupid part.

BONNIE dashes out to a door. It takes her to the ...

EXT. PATIO - CONTINUOUS

She starts sobbing.

BONNIE
What happened? What happened to me?

VAL walks out after her.

VAL
(chuckling)
So you're gonna start crying every
time we have a conversation?

Beat.

VAL
Tomorrow you're gonna start a
journal telling me exactly what you
did the whole day.

BONNIE
Who are you?

VAL
I'm expecting to see you working on
your resume, going to offices ...

BONNIE
I hate you!

VAL
Look, I'm not the lazy one.

BONNIE
I hate you! You disgust me!

VAL
I'm not gonna stand here and take
this crap from some stupid, lazy
bum. Either you do what I say or
get the fuck out!

BONNIE
(talking over VAL's line)
You make me sick. Everything you
do, everything you say. Blah blah
blah. I can't stand you!

BONNIE
The way you talk about me to your
friends, like I'm some Barbie. I've
got feelings too. Your stupid car
and all these useless tools and
trinkets you buy.

VAL
I buy? Look at yourself. You're
wasting half of my money on
garbage!

BONNIE
This is it!

BONNIE runs back into the house.

VAL
(screaming)
I already told you to get out half
an hour ago.

FADE TO BLACK

TWO PEOPLE (a practice screenplay)

2004-07-17T14:15:00.000-05:00

NOTE:
I've decided to make writing screenplays my top priority as far as my writing tasks are concerned. I will start with a mandatory minimum of 1 hours writing screenplays per day, which I will do from home. My regular philosophical-type blog posts will only be written from work when I have free time or taking a break. Perhaps that means there will be less posts ... we'll see.

I will continue writing some little practice screenplays. I will probably write a full 100-page practice screenplay for a feature soon. My goal right now is not to contrive some complex important meaning through my screenplays. My goal is to get used to the writing style and format, be able to visualize the scenes, and make my stories sound interesting. I believe the burden of having a deep meaning in your screenplays is too heavy for a beginning writer such as myself. First, I need to get used to writing before writing about something specific that I believe in. Some writers don't believe in having a meaning to their story; they just start writing and see where it goes. I am not one of them, but I do believe it is more difficult to write around a specific idea than just write without any specific point in mind. That said, enjoy this one:

FADE FROM BLACK

INT. JERRY'S BEDROOM - DAY

BETTY grabs a bunch of her cloth from the closet and throws
them on the bed, with the hangers still attached. The cloth
land next to an open suitcase, half filled with miscellaneous
feminine items.

The door to the bedroom is closed. Someone is loudly knocking
on the door.

BETTY stuffs the cloth in the briefcase and smashes it
closed. She has an angry, yet sad look on her face. She
storms to the door and bursts it open. The door crashes into
the wall.

JERRY is shaking his head on the other side, not wanting her
to leave.

BETTY bursts into tears.

INT. VALERIE'S APARTMENT - DAY

VALERIE is crying, holding her hands to her face. Her father,
NICK, slowly comes toward her, arms open, intending to
console her. As he puts his arms around her, VALERIE pushes
him away, turning away.

INT. JERRY'S HALLWAY - DAY

JERRY flies against the wall, pushed by his girlfriend BETTY.
She stomps past him, sobbing as she goes.

INT. VALERIE'S APARTMENT - DAY

VALERIE runs toward a table. NICK comes after her. Table is
filled with papers. There's a paper package on the table.

VALERIE picks up the package and hurls it at her father. The
package comes open and bills of money fly out. VALERIE points
at the door with her hand.

INT. JERRY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

BETTY heads toward the front door. JERRY bursts past her,
putting himself between her and the door, arms stretched out.

INT. VALERIE'S APARTMENT - DAY

VALERIE tosses some papers at her father. She throws a
clipboard. Her father blocks it with his arm.

VALERIE comes over to a sofa, picks up pillow after pillow,
tossing them at her father.

INT. JERRY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

A pillow hits JERRY in the face. BETTY throws another pillow
in his direction.

BETTY turns toward the TV area and flips over a cabinet
filled with CD's and DVD's. She sweeps the shelf above the
fireplace with her arm, everything falling on the floor.

BETTY takes a cordless phone and tosses it at the wide screen
TV. The phone sails pasts and crashes into the wall behind.
She takes a glass vase filled with red and blue flowers and
swings it again at the TV. The vase shatters into the TV,
making a sizeable hole in the screen.

JERRY dashes towards his TV, grabbing it like his hurt child.
He looks at BETTY with hatred and confusion.

INT. VALERIE'S APARTMENT

NICK picks up his raincoat and opens the door. He glanced
back at VALERIE, ashamed. He walks out.

INT. JERRY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

The door shuts as JERRY watches, still grabbing on to his TV.

JERRY waddles to his sofa and tumbles down. He starts to sob.

INT. VALERIE'S APARTMENT - DAY

VALERIE sits at the table, crying, her hands on her face.

INT. JERRY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

JERRY picks up the pillows and puts them in their place.

INT. VALERIE'S APARTMENT - DAY

VALERIE crawls on the carpet, picking up the papers she
threw.

INT. JERRY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

JERRY sits in his armchair, staring at the broken TV.

INT. VALERIE'S APARTMENT - DAY

VALERIE holds the package with money in her hands as she
falls back on the couch.

I/E. JERRY'S FRONT DOOR - DAY

JERRY throws on his coat as he shuffles out the front door.
He heads down the steps to his car.

INT. ELEVATOR - DAY

VALERIE leans against the back of the moving elevator,
watching the floors blink past above the door, each one
making a ring.

EXT. ROAD - DAY

JERRY drives by a monstrous store. The parking lot is packed.
People are walking back to their cars with several packed
bags.

INT. MALL - DAY

VALERIE briskly walks past various stores. We can hear people
talking and registers ringing.

EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY

JERRY gets out of his car.

EXT. BANK DOOR - DAY

VALERIE swings the door and walks in.

INT. BANK OF AMERICA - DAY

JERRY heads toward a long line of people. He stops in line
behind VALERIE.

One teller is counting money.

A woman argues in front of another teller.

VALERIE looks back at JERRY.

JERRY
(beat)
Hi.

VALERIE
Hi.

A woman is writing in a deposit slip.

A teller smashes open a roll of coins on the corner of the
desk.

VALERIE
Do you think people are happy in
this greedy money driven world?

JERRY
(chuckling)
Well, we are at the Bank of America
right now. Do people around us look
unhappy?

A register rings as a teller takes money out of it.

FADE TO BLACK

THE LAKE (a practice screenplay)

2004-07-15T19:41:00.000-05:00

FADE FROM BLACK

EXT. SHORE - DAY

NOVA jumps out of the water and climbs on the blue jet ski.
He is wearing a red life jacket and swimming trunks. The jet
ski is floating near the shore. NOVA turns his head towards
the shore and waves his arm.

NOVA's two male friends are on the shore. They wave back to
him. A truck with a jet ski trailer is nearby.

NOVA revs the jet ski engine and makes a spin, water
splashing everywhere. He revs the engine even harder and the
jet ski does a small jump as it goes over its own waves. NOVA
rides off.

EXT. LAKE - DAY

Jet ski speeds across the water at about 60 m.p.h. NOVA keeps
his head down as his body rigorously jerks around.

EXT. LAKE - LATER

NOVA follows a boat on the jet ski. He lines up his jet ski
to hit the biggest wake behind the ship. The engine revs as
NOVA plunges toward the wake.

The jet ski hits the wake full speed and raises up in the
air. Underneath, NOVA sees the another sizeable wake. NOVA
gives out a loud yelp as the jet ski comes down on the crest
of the next wake. Water splashes around as NOVA flies off the
jet ski.

NOVA's head comes up out of the water. He rubs his whole face
with the palm of his left hand, getting off all the water
around his eyes. On his hand there is an emergency shutoff
wristband for the jet ski. NOVA pops his eyes open and looks
around.

Jet ski is floating nearby. NOVA swims toward it.

EXT. LAKE - MOMENTS LATER

NOVA is painfully hunched over on top of the jet ski. He
looks up, taking a deep breath. He puts his hands on the jet
ski handles.

EXT. LAKE - MOMENTS LATER

Jet ski speeds across the water. NOVA's hands and body are
vibrating.

EXT. LAKE - LATER

NOVA does donuts with the jet ski. He does a couple circles
in one direction and then turns the jet ski in the other
direction making a figure 8.

EXT. LAKE - MOMENTS LATER

NOVA speeds on the jet ski at 40 m.p.h. He suddenly jerks the
wheel and the jet ski does a 180 degree turn almost
instantaneously, sending a monstrous splash in the other
direction. The jet ski stops and accelerates in the other
direction.

EXT. LAKE - MOMENTS LATER

NOVA speeds on the jet ski at 50 m.p.h. He suddenly jerks the
wheel. As the jet ski starts to turn, NOVA flies off and
splashes in the water.

EXT. LAKE - LATER

NOVA sits on top of the jet ski breathing heavily. His hands
go up to his face as he closes his eyes. Concerned, he looks
around.

EXT. LAKE - LATER

NOVA speeds on the jet ski.

EXT. LAKE - LATER

NOVA still rides the jet ski. He is going a little slower and
looking around.

EXT. LAKE - LATER

NOVA brings the jet ski to a halt. He looks around, concerned
and puzzled.

He turns the jet ski around and heads the other way.

EXT. LAKE - LATER

NOVA rides the jet ski slowly, glancing and squinting at the
land nearby.

EXT. LAKE - LATER

NOVA comes to a stop. He glances around and behind him. He
lowers his head to look at his hands, red and shaking.

NOVA turns the jet ski around again and slowly heads the
other way, holding the jet ski with the tips of his fingers.

EXT. LAKE - LATER

NOVA slowly drives his jet ski. He sees something to his left
on the shore and moves his head, examining. He turns his jet
ski and heads in that direction.

EXT. DOCK - MOMENTS LATER

NOVA arrives at a dock. There are several people present
nearby and a convenience store. NOVA gets up onto the dock
and swings a rope around a wooden pole to hold the jet ski.

EXT. DOCK - LATER

NOVA walks back toward the jet ski. He swings free the rope
and hops on the jet ski in one motion.

NOVA starts up the jet ski. He checks the screen and sees
that fuel is low. His eyes widen with fear.

EXT. LAKE - LATER

NOVA drives the jet ski slowly.

EXT. LAKE - LATER

NOVA drives the jet ski and glances at the sun. The sun is
bright red and nearing the horizon. NOVA shakes his head
shamefully.

EXT. SHORE - LATER

NOVA arrives back to the shore. He looks around, concerned.

His friends are gone. The truck with the jet ski trailer is
gone. Wind carries off some leaves from the ground where they
were.

NOVA lifts his arms and looks up in the sky, giving out a
loud shout that echoes all over the lake.

FADE TO BLACK

behavioral conditioning in humans

2004-07-14T18:34:00.000-05:00

Perhaps human conditioning is more amazing than I've thought. I was planning to write another practice screenplay today, but then I suddenly felt tired, exhausted of thinking about movies, about screenplays, about new ideas, about writing. I took a little nap and then picked up a book on "101 Habits of Successful Screenwriters," trying to understand where my inspiration went. As the book was talking about importance of habits, I connected it with my theories on conditioning.

To a degree, I understood why many of my hobbies kept failing. It is funny, since I started to carry a certain pride in how fast I can master and get bored of something. My activities kept failing because I never conditioned myself to really love them and get used to them. I saw an exciting idea and then I indulged myself in this new found activity, I went over the top. This created a big problem for my brain, since I was now taking time away from other activities that I already conditioned myself to do, like watch TV, think, call my friends, whatever. Eventually, my old conditional behaviors revolted and I found an excuse to quit my new hobby.

This is why people quit going to the GYM, or diet and gain weight, or can't quit smoking. It is because they never attain the necessary behavioral conditioning in their brain. This is why women who take considerable time away from work to have a child have a difficult time going back to work, and some never do at all. Due to the big event of having a child, they were forced to develop new behavioral conditioning for their daily routine (taking care of the baby, watching TV, taking naps, etc.) After the baby is old enough, their choice to return to work is often a choice of their will, as opposed to a forced choice, like taking care of their child after birth was. Their will is their brain and their brain now has new conditioning of daily routine, unwilling to change. They may not understand what is going on, but they have this extreme unwillingness for this big change in their life to return to work, even when they know that is what they should do. Hmm, this is yet another outlook on human conservatism.

So then, I believe that almost every thing that humans do is because of conditioning -- behavioral, emotional, etc. Hence, I should figure out the best way how to master and love anything (like writing screenplays, for example). These ideas seem common sense, but they are extremely important. The key is to get used to it. Take small bites with a set schedule, like doing your activity every Saturday or Sunday, or doing it once an hour every day. After this schedule is set and you've conditioned yourself to doing this activity, you will not longer fear it or dispise it. You may increase the schedule as necessary. At some point, this conditioning may turn this activity into an obsession. "I must do THIS right now! It is time for my activity!" Or, the activity may turn into love, into something you can't live without.

Imagine an activity that you absolutely hate. Now, what if I told you that you had to do this activity one hour a day every day. Would you still hate it after a week? After two weeks? You would be conditioning yourself to getting used to it. Depending whether you're an optimist or a pessimist, you may start to enjoy this once hated activity. What other choice do you have? If you have to do it, you might as well enjoy it.

It seems this is why it took me so long to get bored of poker, and to a certain degree, I never got bored of it. I just realized that what I was trying to get out of the game wasn't there. It is because I had a schedule for playing. I could not indulge myself completely since I had a girlfriend to spend time with. Hence, I conditioned myself to poker. Perhaps conditioning is also why I get upset when something needs doing and I can't stop thinking about it until I finished it. It is my childhood conditioning combined with supporting life conditioning that made my brain this way.

HERO (a practice screenplay)

2004-07-13T23:27:00.000-05:00

FADE IN

EXT. 4 LANE ROAD - NIGHT

It's dark. Rain lightly sprinkles on the road. Red car speeds
past in the left lane.

INT. INSIDE THE CAR - CONTINUOUS

VAL looks at the speedometer, reading 85 m.p.h. He reaches
his hand over and lovingly runs his fingers through GIRL's
hair, who lies asleep in the passenger seat. She has no seat
belt on. VAL smiles and turns on the radio, not too loud.

EXT. 4 LANE ROAD - CONTINUOUS

The red car speeds past a green traffic light.

INT. INSIDE THE CAR - CONTINUOUS

VAL notices the lights of another car far ahead in the road.
He looks at the rear view mirror. In it, he can make out
another car. This car is approaching.

VAL leans toward the rear view mirror and squints.

EXT. 4 LANE ROAD - CONTINUOUS

The red car speeds past. Shortly after, a police car speeds
past, with sirens off.

INT. INSIDE THE CAR - CONTINUOUS

VAL grits his teeth, visibly upset. He smashes his hand on
the wheel. VAL looks ahead and takes a deep breath. He
glances to the passenger seat, where GIRL still sleeps
comfortably.

VAL puts his foot on the gas pedal. He smiles, an unnatural,
almost evil smile.

EXT. 4 LANE ROAD

A traffic light is ahead in the road. Brown car is
approaching the traffic light in the left lane. Red car is
coming closer to the brown car. Police car is a little behind
the red car.

INT. INSIDE THE CAR - CONTINUOUS

VAL reaches for the seat belt and puts it on. He has a
serious look on his face. GIRL is still sleeping.

EXT. 4 LANE ROAD - CONTINUOUS

Red car is right behind the brown car. The traffic light is a
quarter mile ahead. Police car is closing in on the red car.

INT. INSIDE THE CAR - CONTINUOUS

VAL looks at the rear view mirror where he sees the police
car approaching. He pulls up the turn signal.

EXT. 4 LANE ROAD - CONTINUOUS

Red car swerves into the right lane and quickly goes past the
brown car. The right turn signal stays on. The police car,
little later, switches lanes to follow the red car. The
traffic light is just ahead with a green light.

INT. INSIDE THE CAR - CONTINUOUS

VAL puts his arm on top of GIRL, holding her down. GIRL
starts to open her eyes. VAL smashes on the breaks.

EXT. 4 LANE ROAD - CONTINUOUS

Red car screeches with its break lights on and turn signal
still flashing. The break lights of the police car come on
but it is still approaching the red car. The police car darts
left but runs into the brown car in the left lane.

INT. INSIDE THE CAR - CONTINUOUS

VAL turns the wheel to the right in circular motions with his
left hand. His right hand is holding down GIRL, whose eyes
are bright open.

EXT. 4 LANE ROAD - CONTINUOUS

The red car is now at the intersection and begins to turn
right. The police car, bouncing off the brown car, smashes
into the rear of the red car and sends the red car in a spin.

The end of the police car smashes into the front side of the
brown car. The police car flips over and slides further on
the road. Its sirens turn on. The brown car spins once and
stops in the middle of the intersection.

INT. INSIDE THE CAR - MOMENTS LATER

VAL looks around, dazzled and confused. He glances over at
GIRL. She is on her side in the passenger seat, as if her
head hit the window.

VAL reaches over, worried, to check her pulse. He sighs of
relief.

VAL looks outside, horror appearing on his face. He takes a
deep breath, as if pumping himself up. VAL rushes out of the
car to the --

EXT. INTERSECTION - CONTINUOUS

VAL approaches the brown car. The right side is badly bent.
There is a man smashed between the door and the windshield.
His head is hanging down, clearly a broken neck.

VAL runs over to the other side of the brown car and peers
inside. The air bag is deflated now. The WOMAN in the
driver's seat is unconscious and bleeding from the head.

VAL notices CHILD, a girl, in the back seat. CHILD is crying.
She momentarily stop and looks up at VAL, with questioning,
begging eyes.

VAL looks ahead at the road and sees lights of several cars
approaching the intersection through the rain and fog. The
brown car is perpendicular, on both sides of the road. VAL
grabs the WOMAN out of the car and carries her over to the
grass on the side of the road.

VAL runs back to the brown car and lunches for the back door.
The door doesn't open. He slams his hand on the window.

Throw the window, VAL sees CHILD is terrified She screams.

VAL tries to open the door with the controls on the side of
the driver's door. Nothing works. He tries to tear off the
driver's seat and screams in frustration. He glances up to
see the lights of the vehicles up the road approaching
closer.

VAL steps back and jump kicks the rear window into pieces. He
reaches in to grab CHILD.

A news van comes to a halt nearby. It comes from the other
direction. TOMMY, the cameraman, jumps out with the camera on
his shoulder.

TOMMY films as VAL carries the girl to safety in his arms.
Behind VAL, a truck rams into the brown car and tears it in
half.

FADE OUT

Can I be a screenwriter?

2004-07-13T12:55:00.000-05:00

It looks like I may be on the doorstep of a new hobby for myself. I'm looking in the door and ready to put my first foot in. The decision came to me yesterday. It came quite suddenly. However, looking at all the events leading up to it, the decision doesn't seem so sudden anymore. It was a bunch of events that built on top of each other, leading to the culmination of my decision.

I've watched a few recent movies this past weekend, movies that came out in 2004. I would not recommend any of them. All of them were below my idea of a good movie, some lower than others. As I was writing another poor review for a movie, I thought that a lot of movies coming out nowadays get mediocre and poor reviews from the critics. Perhaps if these critics knew what a good movie was, why don't they just write it themselves? And why do the writers of the movies keep putting out such garbage, don't they know how to write? Maybe they do know how to write, they don't know how have a point in their films. What if I look into this screenwriting business? What if I write a screenplay?

After all, I like watching movies, I like critiquing and thinking about movies, and it seems like I have enough knowledge to write a screenplay for a good movie, a movie that questions life and makes you think. That is what Michael Moore did. He didn't have any formal training in making movies, but he liked movies and he watched a lot of movies, sort of like me. He set out to make a movie that people could find interesting, a movie that people would enjoy in a Friday night. So far in his career, he more than succeeded.

Cutting edge computer special effects in movies have been around for over 10 years. "Jurrasic Park" was the first movie that demonstrated to us that anything can be made with a computer. That's right, there is no bound what can be presented on the screen, just human imagination. Now, the awe of computer special effects is dying. There is nowhere else to go to improve the movies with computers. People have seen all the special effects and they know they exist. They are getting bored of them, and, hopefully, they will start asking: Is this an interesting movie, does it make you think, does it have a point? I believe in the next several years, the cinema will return to where it was before all this computer graphic hoopla. Cinema will return to showing movies about something. Hopefully, my ideas will become more and more acceptable to cinema in the years to come.

I had a dream, a fantasy that is now over a year old. I used to think about it as I drove to and from classes at University of Texas. I imagined that I could make a movie by myself. I imagined that I could make the video and audio from scratch, just with a computer. My story ideas kept changing. I wanted a movie about reality, I wanted a movie about fantasy, I wanted a movie about people, about human altruism and about human lust. I kept replaying different scenes of my movies in my head, imagining how they would look on the big screen.

I've thought about writing before, and writing is what I'm doing right now. I thought about writing stories or books. However, it seemed tedius, complicated, and largely unfulfilling. Who would read it anyway? I, myself, do not read stories or fictional books. I believe movies are a much better medium for presenting information and fictional entertainment. The movie is only so long. It fits perfectly with America's busy lifestyle. It presents ideas quickly and vividly. It is a faster and easier way for humans to receive information. It doesn't tire you out or put you to sleep like books can. Perhaps writing a screenplay makes much more sense that a book for me. After all, with the advent of Video-On-Demand, people will watch less and less crappy TV shows with commercials and start watching more and more movies, just as I have done.

My last blog was a response to another article, an article that said that stories is the best way to change people's minds beside their actual physical experience. I agree, just look at "Farenheit 9/11." Perhaps the movie is one of the most powerful weapons to change people on a mass scale. I have no concern for money since I already have a job. All I want to do is make people think.

So, where do I start (besides getting a bunch of books about the subject)? The irony of the situation is that when writing a movie about something, the writer is often constrained by this idea that he wants to show. For a beginning writer, this constraint can be unbearable. Therefore, to practice, I should write something that is driven by the action and not by the point. I should just write something without concern of where it will go, until I feel comfortable with the screenplay format. I'll probably post my practice screenplays on this blog.

comment to "Change Your Mind?"

2004-07-09T11:54:00.000-05:00

I have thought about the issue of changing human minds quite a bit. After all, if I believe in a cause, the natural next step is trying to convince others about my cause. However, from my life experience, I knew humans were exceptionally stubborn to new ideas and to changing their mind. I wondered about this human closed-mindedness and human conservatism. Perhaps the roots are engrained in us, since our society is mainly convergent in its thinking, from the school system to business life to rules and regulations in the governement. People tend to grab on to a single belief and hold on for dear life. They ignore everything else around them and don't consider that there is more than one way to do things. They hold on until the last moment, until their fingers start to bleed and they cannot hold on any longer. Then, they jump to safety of a different belief.

The irony of my situation is that my strongest belief is that people should be more open to new ideas and other people, with the help of self-understanding and controlling themselves. I, myself, had to work on welcoming new ideas, instead of getting angry or upset at them. I had to learn that is it good to have many different opinions, since it leaves us with an open mind to take the best course. Now, then, how do I open up people to openness?

I figured the easiest way for society to be open is to encourage open-mindedness in children. However, the adults having children have to become open themselves first. It seems like the chicken and the egg problem. The best way I knew how to convince people was one person at a time. The key factors in the process of convincing that should be present, the more the better:
1. The person should want to change their mind.
2. Reaching empathetic understanding of the person's situation.
3. Present the person with success stories of yourself or other people who changed their mind.
4. The change will leave the person in a better situation.
Now, with billions of people on the planet, convincing each person individually seems like an overwhelming task. I know that you've been running your site "How to Save the World," for a while, so I would think you've thought of ways to bring your message to the non-believers. I would assume you know more than me on this subject.

A point about stories. It is true that stories are extremely effective at changing opinions of masses. However, I don't like the fact that people are left at the whim of a good story. Let's take a recent example: "Farenheit 9/11" in America. Michael Moore uses the same techniques to tell his story as the US governement used to tell their story. The US governement told a story about terrorists, backed by patriotism and fear, playing on people's emotions. Now, Michael Moore, although having a nobler cause, tells people a different story about selfishness and money, backed by patriotism and tragic emotional images of death. In a way, as the US governement brainwashed the American people, Michael Moore is reverse-brainwashing them. So where does that leave us? What is to stop another president in the future from telling the public an even better story and lead America right back to war? Apparently, a story is only good until a better one comes along.

poker

2004-07-08T17:10:00.000-05:00

Tex,

Perhaps you misunderstood what I meant when I said that you can't "win" in poker. I'll tell you my story of playing poker to help you understand.

My poker career lasted about six months. When I discovered poker, I liked it because it was hard to understand, it was challenging, and there was a side benefit of making money with this hobby. I've played poker before, but never seriously. I've always been a quick learner, so I found and read a bunch of good poker books. I decided to start out playing online, since I didn't know of a game every day in Austin. I continued playing mostly online, with one or two outings a week to local live games.

I consider poker to be a worthwhile investment of my time, since it taught me a few important things. The first was how difficult it is for people to control their emotions. Most of the money made by professionals in the game comes from the other player's inability to control themselves, not so much from the other player's lack of knowledge of how to play. With myself, it took me months of training to reach a point where I constantly monitored myself, asking myself how the events made me feel, making sure my anger or sadness or happiness did not effect my decisions. I had to separate my greed and eagerness to win from the reality of the game. I can see how it can take years to learn how to take your emotions out of the game of poker. Poker itself is an interesting psychological study.

The other interesting point was regarding decision making. Poker involves gathering as much information as you can in order to make an informed decision about your action. However, you can never have all the information. Hence, the decision is an exercise in statistics and probability. After the decision is made, you cannot go back and mourn about your fortune, since you were confident it was the best decision at the time. A lot of decisions and events in the real world can be viewed in a similar way. By understanding that a decision is usually made with incomplete information, we can determine and realize that there are likely and unlikely outcomes of our decision, good or bad. We should rarely be surprised or caught off guard by the consequences of our decisions. We cannot absolutely expect something to happen, since we live in a complex statistical world.

By the time I stopped playing poker, I was making about $8/hour, counting the bonuses. I made money in live games, but it was only about $400. I was playing $3/$6 games online and still considered myself in training, preparing to moving up until I reached $15/$30 games. I felt that making money wasn't a good motivation for me to play, so I started getting into no-limit tournaments, to try to prove that I can be the best player. However, I found that limit and no-limit were more similar than different. I felt that all there was left for me was to make money at this game. For me, "winning" meant proving that I am the best player. However, if you take ten good players, it would take an infinetelly long time to prove who is the best, due to the randomness of the game. For me, I could not "win." Hence, winning tournaments or making final tables was relatively meaningless. The only sure metric for my poker skill was the money I've made. Since I felt I didn't need any more money right now and I wanted to do more interesting things, I quit poker.

Don't get me wrong, a social low stakes game is fun as long as everyone realizes they can loose their buy-in. However, I do not wish to play in a situation where people get upset and depressed after loosing. Perhaps if I lost my job, needed money, or had nothing to do, I can see myself turning back to poker.

Regards,
(my name here)

sex and monogamy

2004-07-08T10:46:00.000-05:00

Some people say that to reduce the hate and violence in the world people need to love each other. I agree with that idea, if people loved each other and humanity, there would be no hate or violence. Some radicals cite the great psychologist Freud and go on to say that people are violent because they are sexually repressed. They say that people are taught to be monogamous and they need to be sexually open with everyone to release their hatred so they can love everyone.

This leads to my first question, is sex equal love? Plenty of evidence says no. We constantly hear about young teenagers having sex with someone hoping to be in a loving relationship only to find out otherwise afterwards. People nowadays have sex just for fun knowing the next day they will not see each other. Sexual feelings themselves are chemical reactions in the brain caused by our instincts. These feelings can start up as suddenly as they stop, without our control. This begs the question, are our sexual feelings a true representation of ourselves or is it just a renegade part of ourselves we cannot control yet. If we think about sex logically, does it have any purpose further than pleasure for ourselves, a selfish reason. This explains why monks are not allowed to have sex in monosteries.

Love, on the other hand, is more logical. Perhaps sexual attraction is a necessary element to form a relationship, but that should not stop us from loving everyone and anyone else. Love in the sense of empathetic understanding, compassion, charity, and devotion. Plenty of people are in love without sexual intercourse.

For those who think humans are sexually repressed in our monogamous society, I ask: where is the monogamy? The zoological definition which applies to all animals states that monogamy is the condition of having one mate during the breeding life of a pair. So, anyone who had sex with more than one person is not monogamous. A more recent definition of monogamy is marrying once during the lifetime. Well, with a 50% divorce rate, we can throw that out the window. Now, the definition most commonly known is the practice of having only one sexual partner during the period of the time. Hmm, pretty ambiguous; it seems to me that human understanding of monogamy has been changing more and more to support and justify sex with many people during our lifetime. What's next? We will say monogamy is the practice of having sex with one other person at a time, as opposed to threesomes and group orgies.

I can make the same argument for those trying to save the American marriage by banning gay marriage. They believe that according to God, only a man and a woman can get married. Apparently, they don't realize that gays are real people too. They also don't realize the amount of divorces and extramarital affairs that exist. Having a marriage that does not end in divorce or where one partner will not cheat on the other is the unlikely case. So what are they trying to save?

Well, we can definitelly say that people are less monogamous than they were 50, 100, or 1000 years ago. So, are people happier now than they were then? They seem to be less sexually repressed, so shouldn't they be happier? On the contrary, in this age in America, there are more psychological problems than ever. So, maybe people were happier when they were more monogamous than now. For one thing, they could think about more important things besides being obsessed about finding the next person to have sex with. Perhaps a more monogamous society is also more intelligent. Think about the sexually deprived monks in monosteries, are they unhappy and violent and filled with hate?

It is an anti-Bush movie? Is that all? I hope not.

2004-07-07T14:36:00.000-05:00

Date: Wed, 07 Jul 2004 14:29:48 -0500
From: (my name here)
To: mike@michaelmoore.com
Subject: It is an anti-Bush movie? Is that all? I hope not.

Dear Michael Moore,

Last week me and my family, recently naturalized American citizens, went to see your movie, "Farenheit 9/11." My mind was already made up. With the previews and the reviews and the TV commentary, everybody was saying this movie attacked Bush and wanted to remove him from office. Some Republicans already made up their minds too; they did not want to see the film. I liked your previous movie "Bowling for Columbine" because it was a social commentary and caused people to think. To me, before seeing "Farenheit 9/11", it seemed you were well on your way to solving American problems, all we had to do was remove Bush from office. I found this thought extremely naive and I was not excited about going to your movie.

Then I saw "Farenheit 9/11". Thinking about it afterwards, I had to let go of my own ignorance to comprehend all the issues this movie dealt with. I was concerned, though, that these messages were not strong enough for everybody to understand. My concern heightened when my girlfriend's mother, an intelligent liberalist, wanted me to register to vote immediatelly after finding out I saw the film, implying that I will vote against Bush. Is this all that people got out of the movie, I wondered. Will people remember it after Bush is defeated? My own concern was bigger. What can we do to make sure such money-hungry self-centered individuals do not come into power again? What can we do to make sure this situation does not repeat in 5, 10, or 50 years? Voting Bush out of office will not solve it. Well, perhaps I wanted too much from you.

Some other issues I found interesting were the following. You showed America's ignorance. People absorb propaganda without stopping and thinking about it, possibly it is easier to believe others than thinking for yourself. Only when a close tragedy strikes them, like the death of their son, do they start thinking on their own. Another point is that you made the military look like a business. The soldiers are the grunt workers of the capitalist business machine, paid minimum wage, who do as they are told. The message of freedom and independence is a marketing tactic to get them to enlist, just like companies show beautiful women to sell makeup. How can America believe that our system is the right system for other nations to have, with all the problems like violence, unemployment, poverty, education and others left unsolved? Why are we worrying about other countries before our own? If we set up democracy in Iraq, what is to prevent another Bush to come to power in Iraq and wage war on some other poor nation under the propaganda campaign of freedom, democracy, anti-terrorism or whatever else seems applicable at the time?

I want to know that you are thinking about the big picture, about what is best for all humans in America and on this planet, and about the future of humanity. The Bush controversy made "Farenheit 9/11" much more popular, but only controversy is not what this movie should be about. The controversy turns the media and many Americans into their simple pigeon-hole mindsets, being told what to think about your movie. Although, perhaps it is better to hit the people with something closer to their hearts before asking them to look completely outside their box. One step at a time, I hope your movies make people a little more open minded than before.

Thank you for your films and my bests to you,
(my name here)

P.S. My letter will be published on my website: http://lifeanalysis.blogspot.com

cloning comments

2004-07-06T14:13:00.000-05:00

I decided to make a conscious effort not to make really long posts every day. This way, I will not put too much pressure on my mind to write about something and I'll have a more relaxed mind, a mind open to other possibilities and activities.

My father watched the movie "The 6th Day" with Schwarzenegger yesterday and I was watching it most of the time as well. I've seen it before, but it was a good movie and intellectually stimulating. For my own interest, I looked at some reviews online for this movie. The critics gave this movie mediocre and terrible reviews. They complained about the music, the plot, the bad action sequences, the stereotypical bad guys, etc. I was suprised. For me, the actors, special effects, music and a few others are all secondary to the bigger question: What is the point of the film?

To me, it's a suprise for Hollywood to make a film about something. This movie was science fiction, action, and most importantly social commentary on the subject of cloning. Not only extremely entertaining, but makes you think during the movie and after the movie. It is an excellent combination for me, and I'd like to see more people ask "Does this movie have a point?" before asking "Is it cool, or bloody?"

Ahh, cloning. How would I feel if I was cloned and my clone was my age with exactly the same memories as me? Fantastic, mostly! I'd have someone who understands me exactly, a very good friend. How would I feel if I was the clone? Well, perhaps I'd be closer to the whole humankind, better understanding that I'm just a pawn of society and science. However, I wouldn't feel sad or bad. After all, I couldn't control being a clone, just like kids cannot pick their parents or the color of their skin.

I do not think it is unethical or inhumane to clone a human. It is impossible to copy your memories and your brain into the clone, so that clone will never be the same person as his original. Copying the brain will not be possible for a very long time. (That will be the biggest human accomplishment when it is done, since it will mean immortality.) A clone is like an identical twin, but done scientifically instead of naturally.

Why is it unethical to bring a child to life not from natural ways? Is it ethical for people to have children so they can have a bigger welfare payment? Is it ethical for starving populations to have more starving children since United States is bringing them shipments of food as part of their humanitarian effort? The bigger question is whether it is ethical to make a human just to use their organs for donation. It seems like a personal choice, since this question lies at the root of humanity and the love for all humans. I believe that as long as a person does not have a functional brain, they are not a person. Personally, I would prefer to solve the problem deeper. We should use genetics and new technologies to make sure that organs never need to be replaced in the first place.

news: digital camera, film critic

2004-06-30T12:01:00.000-05:00

I got a Canon PowerShot S410 DIGITAL ELPH camera for my birthday from my parents yesterday. The camera seems pretty complicated, with all kinds of settings and features. Not to mention the photos themselves can be modified a thousand different ways with the photoedit software. It is a little overwhelming at first.

I've been wondering for a while whether I should take more pictures. It seems like an interesting hobby. However, the problems I ran into included the large effort it takes to get the hobby started and the adjustment I would have to make to my life by making an effort to carry the camera around. Just the effort of finding the right camera for my needs seemed overwhelming and difficult for me. Also, I questioned what I was going to do with the large amount of photographs I'd be taking.

In fact, I even thought up of an interesting topic for a blog post regarding taking pictures. I didn't think about it too hard so I did not develop my ideas. The basic premise is the old question of physics: If I observe an object or a situation with a camera, will I get the true representation of it? Won't the event or the experience be changed by my intention to capture it on film? Examples are easy to think of, like where people change themselves once they know they are in a picture. People gather in groups and pose to be in a picture. This is not a real represention of events. It is artificial, influenced by the mere presence of the camera.

Well, at least I have a camera now, so I don't need to worry about finding one. And, since I have one, I might as well make an effort to take some interesting pictures. I plan to post some pictures on the internet, and perhaps make some comments about those pictures. I found a website which seems good for my photoblog. Seems like you can post pictures there for free. It is www.fotopages.com Now all I need is to figure out the camera and start taking pictures.

In other news, I've started another blog. It seems like I'm about to have 3 blogs--this one, the one I just started, and the photoblog. My new blog is called "Life Analysis - Film Critic", it is located at lifecritic.blogspot.com On this blog, I plan to post my reviews and reactions to movies that I have seen. Also, I may post my reactions to books, video games, etc.

There are several reasons for starting this new blog. One reason is that I like movies, but I felt I needed to get a little more out of movies than just the experience of watching them. Sometimes I felt that I was wasting my time with a movie and that most movies were a waste of time. Now, I can watch a movie with added interest, with a critical eye. I can view a film as a work of art, and try to figure out the good and bad points about it. After all, if I spend two hours watching a movie, isn't it worth another 20 minutes to think about it and right down my reactions.

Another reason for starting the "Film Critic" blog is that I felt I needed to separate the blog with my well-developed ideas and the blog with my simple reactions to other people's work. Looking at other people's blogs over the past month, I found that a lot of people list articles and other links and then react and tell what they think about them. This is rediculous, for the most part they're just telling me what someone else can tell me. The article is the center of their posts, not their own opinions. Now, I would agree that it is fun and interesting to react and critisize other people's work, and now I have a special place for it. This is not to say that I will never make references to other people's work or their ideas in my main blog, but that it is important to remind myself to have my own ideas instead of copying someone else's.

psychology of overpopulation

2004-06-29T15:51:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about the belief that humans are good people. I've been wondering if I truly believe that. It is hard for me to care for humanity. It is hard for me to be empathetic to everyone. The world has several billion people in it. That is overwhelming. How can I care about all of them?

I ran across a blog entry that suggested that nature has a mechanism of making sure that a species does not overpopulate. It also suggested that humans have become so advanced that this nature's mechanism is not working effectively on them. The thing I found interesting is a 1969 study done on overcrowded rats. It said that in addition to reducing procreation and fertility, overcrowded rats exhibit these six anti-social behaviours:

1. a minority display aggressively dominant behavior
2. passive males avoid both fighting and sex
3. hyperactive subordinates rape females and eat or kill children
4. pan-sexual males will have sex with both males and females
5. some males withdraw from sexual and social intercourse and are active when others sleep
6. female rats generally react by acting absent minded, having disorganized nests, and by either eating or neglecting their children

Interesting. Seems like these rats in an overcrowded environment have psychological problems. It is known that rat's brain is closest in structure to human brain. From looking at this list, it seems that many humans today exhibit similar "anti-social" behaviors, especially in overcrowded city areas. Now, I would like to explore the idea of nature's control mechanism for overpopulation even further. I would like to examine how overpopulation affects an individual's way of thinking.

First, let's have a hypothetical situation. Let's take a prehistoric person, call him Ivan, and assume he lives in a tribe of 100 people. He is concerned a lot about the survival and the future of his tribe. Ivan knows everyone by name and cares about everyone in the tribe, because they are all a big family to him. He has no where else to go. If he leaves the tribe, he will surely die. To a certain degree, everyone in the tribe is of equal importance. Everyone relies on everyone else for food, for cloth, for other specific skills. The most important thing to Ivan is his tribe, his family. Without his tribe, Ivan is a nobody. In order to guarantee the survival of his tribe, Ivan must find a woman in the tribe and have children with her, preferably as soon as possible. He must care about his children and raise them properly, since they are the future of the tribe. In short, everything is done for the tribe. There's no I in the tribe, only WE. This is in contrast to today's world, where it's all about I, I, I, me, me, me.

Let's turn our attention to monogamy for a little bit. Humans are monogamous by their nature. Human babies are helpless at birth and take a very long time to mature. They need constant care and attention. A single mother can not bring up a child or children by herself. She needs the father, who will protect them, get them food, etc. Historically, a human baby has a much higher chance of survival if both the mother and father are taking care of it. If nothing else, then human have been genetically bred to cause them to stay together with a single partner; now it is their natural instinct to stay with one person.

In summary, the reason humans are monogamous is because they need two people to raise a child. Also, humans should be driven by concern about the future of their tribe or their family, which, besides the sexual attraction, is the reason humans had kids historically. Now, in today's society there are millions and billions of people all over the place. It is difficult to worry about the future of your tribe, because there is no such thing anymore. There's already a shitload of people in the world. It seems that humanity will survive just fine without you or your children. Humans no longer have kids because they are concerned about the future of society; they have kids for other reasons, like they are bored, they want to procreate their genes or their name, they want another tax deduction or a bigger welfare payment. Overall, most reasons for having children nowadays are selfish in nature. As humanity has grown in size, we have stopped thinking about our fellow human beings and started thinking more about ourselves.

Some recent writers and speakers have questioned monogamy, whether it is an old belief which doesn't surve a purpose anymore? It is even popular to question monogamy on tv shows nowadays. It is obvious that true monogamy no longer exists. Divorce rate is 50% or higher and people have numerous sexual partners before marriage. Yes, at one point our survival depended on monogamy; perhaps it no longer does, ... or, perhaps our survival now depends on monogamy more than ever? (Perhaps another reason we cannot stay with one person forever is because we're too different--we're not from the same tribe.) A few people (the hippies, for example) have suggested that the way to stop violence and have peace in the world is to have love for everyone in the world. Once again, this shows once again how selfish our society has become. What these people are suggesting is this: "Let's all get together in a big pile and fuck!" Why? Because they want to satisfy their own sexual need--right now, right away, without giving a damn about anyone else.

The old values of caring about others have stayed stronger in some parts of the world than in others. Some countries of the world still make an effort to teach their children to care about others, starting with caring for their own family. America, on the other hand, is build on the idea of freedom and individualism. In a lot of ways, this goes against the old prehistoric ideals of the tribe and of the family that is needed to protect the young. America has encouraged people to break away from their families and start thinking about themselves. America has encouraged the transition from the old tribal thinking to the new selfish I thinking. In effect, this caused America to act as an overpopulated country way before some other countries, some of which having a larger population density. Seems like overpopulations fosters the I selfish thinking, which in turn leads to a lot of psychological problems, just as it did to the rats. This is just another idea of why American has so many people with mental problems.

The last thing to mention is that overcrowded rats exhibited gay behavioir, where male rats had sex with both males or females. Although I believe homosexuality has some genetic cause, perhaps it also has a very strong behavioral causes. If a child is taught to be selfish and care about himself, with no emphasis on the tribe or family or future of children, this child will be free to explore his own psyche where he may encounter homosexuality. If the child was born with attraction to both men and women, he is more likely to turn completely homosexual, since there would be no beliefs for him that emphasize procreation and the importance of having children with women.

In summary, humans thrive in small groups because they know everyone and have empathy for everyone. They care about the group more than about themselves. As the group grows, the feeling of togetherness and care diminishes. The person is overwhelmed by the number of people, he feels unimportant to the group, etc. The person turns to the next feeling that makes the most sense, the feeling of selfishness. Eventually, the importance of I overcomes the importance of WE. Hmm, perhaps the overcrowded rats didn't have psychological problems, they were just thinking differently.

my beliefs

2004-06-28T11:47:00.000-05:00

People know that our society is screwed up. It is not perfect, it is not good, it is not clean. Some people are trying to do something about it. Companies and schools and hospitals have been created based on new "free" ideas supported by people's drive for the common good. Other individuals voice their opinions and suggest solutions. However, people have a lot of different opinions about what the best thing for society is, how to stop violence, and how to promote altruism in people.

My first reaction is that it is a mess. If people can't agree on something, than nothing will ever get done. However, stepping back a little, I think it is good. It is good to have a lot of ideas because it shows people are not thinking the same way, it shows that people are considering all kinds of angles, it shows that not all people are slaves to the popular media and the political propaganda. It is true; some things will never get done. However, some things are getting done already. People are voicing their opinions and trying to get others to agree to them, in turn stimulating other people's brains and causing them to make their own opinions.

Yes, perhaps I do have a belief of what the perfect world should be like. However, I also believe that humans are bound to reach that state eventually, even though I'd like them to reach that state sooner than later. To summarize, in a perfect world everyone is a mindful individual; they are mindful of themselves and mindful of others. They understand their own mental states (emotions, instincts, impulses, etc.) and live for progress and the good of society. They may have their own beliefs and their way of doing things. However, they do not criticize others because they have empathy for other human beings. Disagreements are quickly resolved through empathetic understanding, non-existent emotional involvement, and driven by the good of humanity. This "perfect world" of mine may not be reached in the next decade, in my lifetime, or in thousands of years. However, I believe it will be reached eventually. In some small spots of the world, it has been reached already. I try to practice open-mindedness myself, so I believe this "perfect world" can be reached many different ways. For example, it makes no difference to me whether such a state of mind is reached consciously or with the help of neurotechnology.

Well, that's a great dream, but what about right now. What should be done today? What beliefs do I have which impact today's society? I think generally my beliefs do not contradict other people's views. Some of them are common sense. Yet, even if people agree with them, oftentimes they do not place much importance on them. This does as much good as ignoring these ideas altogether. Here are a few of my beliefs that I can think of right away, in no particular order:

- I believe in solving problems at the root. People must try to find the true cause of problems instead of putting band-aids on them. They must learn to think deeper. In the future, this will help themselves and other fellow humans.
- People's actions should not be completely driven by emotion. Once an emotion happens (anger, fear, jeaulousy, sadness, etc.), a person should realize that what he is about to do is what his emotions want him to do. At this point, a person should ask himself whether he wants emotions to control his actions (acceptable in certain cases and for good emotions such as sexual desire or happiness) or whether a logical reaction makes more sense. Another, more interesting question to ask is why/where this emotion is coming from.
- I believe in empathy. In order to communicate effectively and be closer to other people, we must have empathy for the people we are with. We must try to understand why the other person is feeling or acting a certain way. In fact, empathy is the key ingredient in giving advice and changing other people's mind. Many people don't get it. Another point to mention is that my above belief could be viewed as having empathy for yourself, which is an important ingredient on the path of having empathy toward others. Empathy toward others leads to being open to new ideas.
- I believe all humans are good people. Certain experiences and teachings have conditioned their brains to act selfish or violent or otherwise damaging to fellow human beings. Most of the time these are defense mechanisms and other programs in their brain that they follow without question. However, on the inside, in the primal center of their brain, humans are able to live happily without hurting other human beings.

That's all. These are my basic beliefs which would transform the world if they were the beliefs of all other people. The interesting question is why do people not have these beliefs? Even if they do believe these ideas, why do they not follow them in their everyday life? Perhaps answering these questions will help me understand the most effective way to convince others.

last day of 23

2004-06-25T11:29:00.000-05:00

Today is my last day of being 23-years old. It is only appropriate that I dedicate my post to this subject.

I don't feel the magic anymore. Becoming older is not as exciting as it used to be. In fact, since around my 16th birthday I lost that excitement. Becoming older takes me further away from youth. Perhaps I feel this way because it isn't clear what I should look forward to. What will make the next year better that the previous one? I will still be able to do all the things I could do last year and the year before. The difference is that I'm a little smarter, a little more experienced, perhaps a better person as well. However, I don't need a special day to tell me that.

The birthday is symbolic. From a scientific perspective, there is no difference whether humans tracked their age in years or in days or in decades or not at all. Tomorrow I'll still be the same person that I am today. It is almost like Santa Claus. Younger people believe in some magic change that happens to them the night of their birthday. However, it is a fairy tale.

The one thing that birthdays have done is cause people to think about their lives. Birthdays are and have been a reminder to people, as well as a measure of people's progress. People often say around the time of their birthday: "What have I accomplished with my life?" Women often wonder: "I'm getting much older. I need to get married so that I have a chance to have children." Others think: "Great, one more year closer to retirement."

I always liked being young. I miss it. I liked being younger than everyone else. Perhaps if was a sort of shield of innocence. There was an inflated hope of greatness to come when I would be older. Now I'm a different person. Not only am I more realistic about my future, I can say the idea of greatness that I used to have has no meaning to me anymore. Yes, the idea of greatness does pop into my head once in a while, but I cannot convince myself what greatness will bring that I do not have already. Wow, I am so much different than I used to be. Perhaps I will be able to say the same thing in my future birthdays about my current state:)

Book notes: "Emotional Alchemy" by Tara Bennett-Coleman

2004-06-24T14:10:00.000-05:00

I've just finished listening to my first ever book on CD, "Emotional Alchemy" by Tara Bennett-Coleman. It was an abridged version of the actual book, but nevertheless I found it interesting and look forward to hearing more books on CD. This book was mostly an experiment for me, I grabbed it out of the library just to try something out. The author is a experienced psychotherapist and a teacher. I was familiar with most ideas discussed in this book. However, there were a couple new tidbits for me. The most entertaining part of the book was the author's examples of human conditioning--why they happened in the childhood and how they cause harm now in the adult life. Now, I will list a few ideas that I found important in the book. Most of these ideas are the author's, although a few times I tend to extend her ideas into my own realm. Here are my notes:

In their grown up lives, most people are controlled by emotional conditioning, usually started at a young age due to some events or people around them. These habits are formed at a time when we do not know any better; they are formed in order to adjust to some unpleasant feeling or situation, yet these emotional habits remain and act for the rest of our lives. Many of these habits had desirable aspects at first, but now they become a burden, causing us to act a certain way which leads us away from where we want to be instead of taking us there.

Our habitual conditioning grows into compulsion (probably due to stronger neuron connections in the brain). Then, it becomes an automatic response that we don't think about. Some of our automatic responses are physical, some are emotional. There is a sense of loss as we let go our emotional conditioning, conditioning that no longer serves a purpose.

Tara, the author, emphasizes the ability observe your own thoughts and feelings instead of just reacting to them. She states proof that there is a 1/4 of a second in our brain before we acknowledge our mental reaction and turn it into a physical reaction. In that time we can catch ourselves and question if our reaction is truly correct for the situation. She wants people to challenge old habits. It is important to reach an inner state of equanimity--patience, acceptance and non-action. Tara has practiced mindfulness since 1974.

Through mindfulness, we reach small epiphanies about ourselves. Old patterns have a way of coming back even after you realize they are bad, it is important to be on your emotional guard at all times. Hence, just catching your emotional response once won't solve it; it will take some time and effort before complete mindfulness is reached.

Eastern way of thought is to concentrate on what is right with us as opposed to the western way of constantly asking what is wrong with us (optimism vs pessimism, perhaps?). Buddhism teaches compassion and empathy toward oneself before compassion toward others.

Uncomfortable truths. In our society people hide truths from each other in order to "protect the other person." All this deceit and small lies would be unnecessary if everyone was mindful. Usually they cause more problems than they solve. People hide bad emotions in America perhaps because they don't know how to handle them. They fool themselves.

Perfectionism drives the fun out of life. Perfectionism includes anxiety that you don't have enought time to do everything.

Perhaps America is a land of people with the entitlement schema. They have always gotten their way and they get upset and angry once something goes wrong. It is a childish response that never went away. Psychologists consider the feeling of entitlement a maladaptive mental state. It serves no purpose now that we are grownups.

human closed-mindedness

2004-06-24T10:40:00.000-05:00

Traditionally, scientists had a very hard time convincing the public of their ideas or even being allowed to work on something new. Whenever a scientists would discover something new, people would not believe it. They would look at the evidence and dismiss it. The public's present ideas were deeply engrained in their minds, unwilling to break the neuron connections they have created in their childhood and supported all throughout their adult life. How long did it take to convince people that earth was round not flat and it was not the center of the universe? The astrological proof was there. Yet this argument raged on for several centuries. Apparently, some people will believe whatever they are used to believing no matter how much proof you give them.

The oldest and most damaging belief that humans have had throughout history is the belief in god or gods. This concept was taught from childhood and taught to everyone. The scientists and thinkers of the ancient times had a big handicap. They could not think with an open mind because they had to accept the information about gods as basic fact. And it was forbidden for them to discover something that went against the church of the time. The scientist could be killed or banished. Humanity has a strong history of being closed-minded.

The Greeks in the 4th and 5th centuries BC were the first in the western world to question the existence of gods. They believed in that truth is in the eye of the beholder, that you could not assume that something that was true to you was true to another person. The ancient philosophers extended this idea to saying that they could not prove to themselves that gods existed. Of course, that didn't seat well with the public. This Greek democratic society continued to banish and execute certain philosophers whose ideas they didn't like.

Since then, there was practically no scientific progress until the 18th century. It was a time dominated by wars and Christianity and Muslims. The church(es) have grown so powerful that they did not allow anyone to practice science. It went against their interest. It wouldn't be an exagerration to say that Christianity alone was responsible for holding back human progress by at least one thousand years. Imagine where we would be now if humanity was as opened minded as the greek philosophers were. I might have been born on Mars :)

It is true that humanity has become more open-minded in the last century. However, the old closed-minded behaviours still burn deeply in the human mind. It is very hard to convince a mass of people of a new idea, especially if those people are uneducted and unused to accepting ideas that change their beliefs. The best strategy is to approach each person one at a time, to make a personal empathetic case, appealing to their emotions, their beliefs, and their history. Even so, some people may have the emotional conditioning of not trusting anyone, hence it may be close to impossible to convince them.

It is strange. Humans have a genetic tendency not to be satisfied with their currrent condition, which leads to progress. However, at the same time their brain functions in such a way to engrain their beliefs at a young age and make them more and more conservative as they grow older. Perhaps our conservatism is the animal part of us. After all, basic unchangeable beliefs and emotional conditioning has been necessary in the past for survival. However, adaptation is within us as well, although it is not a very strong force. Nature has to allow animals to change their behavioral and emotional conditioning so they can adapt to new situations and survive.

discovering history of psychology

2004-06-23T13:48:00.000-05:00

I've had this feeling for a little while now, but at the end of yesterday's post it got even stronger. I felt I knew how to help the world. How to make the world less violent, less materialistic, less filled with hatred, lessen mental illnesses, etc. The idea is teach people to understand their emotions and think of the whole picture, instead of just reacting to circumstances. To teach them to figure out why they feel a certain way. It was obvious that this way of thinking needed to start at a young age, but in order to change the younger people the older people needed to understand the benefits as well.

However, I knew that my expertise were small in the area, and I wasn't even sure if I myself have learned to understand and control my own emotions. I went to the library today to grab a book on clinical psychology. Unfortunatelly, all the books there seemed like self-help books--books that tell you what to do without explaining why. I mused through the library and discovered that they had movie(fiction and nonfiction) DVDs and fiction/nonfiction books on tape and CD. This was a great discovery, since I've long been wondering where to get some interesting CDs besides the repetitive emotion-inducing music ones I constantly listen to in the car.

I grabbed a CD about being mindful, figuring it related to what I am thinking about and it would be good practice to see how these book-CDs work. I also ran across a big book which seemed like history of psychology and figured that might be entertaining reading as well.

As I was driving back home I listened to the introduction to this mindful book-CD. The introduction was by Dalai Lama, of all people, and he stressed that unhappiness in the world stems from people loosing control of their emotions and being solely driven by their emotions. This seemed to be very similar to what I've just concluded by myself. Wow! I wondered how many other people stress this idea currently and for years past. I am almost twenty four years old and it is only now that I truly understand the importance of this idea. Plus, I mostly came to this conclusion by myself, without being taught by someone.

Perhaps throughout history the only ones who have understood this idea were the ones who searched for it. The general populace has no idea of its existence or importance. After all, in order to get change, it has to be a widespread belief eventually. We'll see where I go from here.

I'm looking forward to reading the book on history of psychology. Not only is it entertaining to find what others have discovered, but it will also help me to go forward instead of rediscovering old ideas, as I have sort of done with the importance of understanding our emotions.

American selfishness

2004-06-22T12:41:00.000-05:00

I'm amazed how long some of my posts have gotten. Perhaps it is because I have a little more time at work, or perhaps it is because I want to write more. In either case, I'd like to make sure I'm not oversaturating myself with writing so I don't run out of steam suddenly and painfully. In this post, I will address the issue of selfishness in America, another idea that came out of the "Bowling for Columbine" movie.

Are Americans more selfish than people in other countries? Hmm, let's see. Selfishness seems partly an inborn trait developed over generations and generations. It is important to be better than others since the better ones are more likely to carry on their genes. The better fighter will get the girl, the more beautiful girl will get the guy, etc. However, does this trait carry over into wanting more money, more material crap, more power over the rest of the world? Perhaps ... I think it has a major part.

In a lot of ways, today's people don't need to be much better than the rest to breed. Medicine has helped us foster and hold on to lots of humanity's inferior genes, so those who otherwise would have died, live on to procreate. With so many people in society, those at all levels can find mates no matter how stupid or weak or fat they are. In fact, those who are intelligent and career driven oftentimes delay their marriage or children "to set their life in order first". However, since human nature is never to be satisfied, their life will never be in order. Hence, some of these people never have kids and some only have a child and use birth protection otherwise. Meanwhile, the least educated in society are having sex and pumping out lots of kids at a young age, with the governement left to take care of them.

It doesn't make sense. If the human drive of selfishness is intented to guarantee to pass on your genes, why are the poor and unproductive individuals having many more kids than anyone else? That is because these poor and unproductive individuals are allowed to live on in today's world, instead of being killed off by animals or nature in the past. Humans have succeeded in changing their world that it is nothing like it used to be. However, our genes haven't changed. They are pushing us in directions set thousands of years ago.

So then, perhaps the act of having children and the drive to be the best are independent of each other. In the past, children just happened. The best warrior had no idea that the outcome of his selfishness would be a child. Humans and animals are instinctly attratected to the better characteristics of their species and they want to achieve those characteristics themselves. They don't understand that this greed and those attractions are there to make sure they carry on their genes.

Getting back to America, how can I say that Americans are more selfish that the rest of the world? Every country in the world should be pretty much as selfish as America. The one argument I can make is that greed is an emotion. Per my last post, I suggested that America is the most emotional of the 1st world countries. Hence, violence and greed can be seen in America much more than in other countries. Also, along the same line, sadness and happiness are also taken further to the extreme here, as well as all other emotions. America still wants to hold on to our instincts and simple reactions called emotions. However, the rest of the world has learned to use their intelligence and control/understand their emotions, which is where civilized society should be heading.

Another idea to mention here is the American belief that they are the best. Americans believe they are the best country in the world. Other countries admire this "American dream" and Americans think they are living this dream. However, the truth is that this dream is still a dream. Americans have convinced themselves that they are living in their "American dream." They just don't think! They take the propaganda into their brain and let their emotions take care of it, believing anything their emotional brain tells them. Well, with the country believing they are the best, this belief has implication at the personal level. Each American wants to believe they are the best as well. They have a much higher drive to get their way and prove they're the best.

I believe the key to reaching this "American dream," the dream of democratic society where everyone can express their opinions is the ability to truly understand other people. To have empathy for others and to intellectually understand what they are saying. However, understanding doesn't just happen. It takes time and practice. The best practice people can do is on themselves. When you want something or do something, ask: why am I doing this, how do I feel? Does it makes sense for me to do this or are my emotions taking me over? When you feel different, try to explain why it is so. I believe it is the source of the problem (actually, many problems can be covered here), not just for America but the world as well. (I want to say a few more things here, but I'll cut it for now.) Hmm, maybe the ancients figured life out a long time ago. Like the old quote: "Know thyself."

America's violent nature

2004-06-21T12:05:00.000-05:00

In the Columbine shooting in Colorado, two school kids brought semi-automatic weapons to school. They opened fire on the people in the school and eventually shot themselves. The police surrounded the school and waited for two more hours before entering. The parents had to wait behind the police tape as their kids were bleeding to death inside the school. Anyone trying to get into the school was tackled and dragged away by the police. The police didn't enter because they didn't want to get shot. The policemen were afraid of death. They were afraid just as much as anyone else.

Michael Moore, in his movie "Bowling for Columbine", suggests that fear is the driving force behind the violent nature of America. I think that is an interesting idea, but I would like to develop it further, and perhaps get to the cause of fear.

It is true. Historically and on tv nowadays Americans have been taught to fear everything. Americans feared the American Indians and Soviet Union and Iraq. Americans now fear terrorists and black men and hidden cameras and killer bees and pimples. The number one human fear in America is death. I believe all the above-mentioned fears feed off each other and amplify each other. This causes the biggest fear to be much greater than to people in any other country. The number two fear is fear of public speaking. Of course, no one wants to be humiliated or laughed at or lower themselves in the eyes of others. Of course not! Everyone wants to be normal, just like everyone else. Just like the government wants them to be.

Overall, it is hard for me to find words to talk about America. America is such a diverse country and it seems like it has everything. Hence, for every generalization that I make, it is very easy to come up with a counter-example. I believe there is a multitude of reasons for America's violent nature and I'm just throwing out a few ideas.

America is an emotional country. I already allured to that fact in my post on reality TV and "ER". Movies bring out all kinds of emotions, not only through the actors and dialogue but also through camera movement and the music, amplifying the audience's emotion. Now there's even surround sound, to give you a more "real" experience. Even Michael Moore said himself: "I remember when movies used to be about something." Well, now most movies are all about the experience, about the emotional experience. Similarly, TV shows and news programs are based on emotion. There's emphasis on love, revenge, fear, happiness, etc. TV commercials and advertisements are designed to play on audience's emotions to get them to spend money. (I say I have a good case for invasion of privacy. Who are they to try to fuck with my emotional brain?) On the street, American's are encouraged to show their emotions. They are usually smiling. Overall, emotion is a powerful weapon; people may think differently but they all have similar emotions.

Thinking, hmm... Foreigners come into this country and cannot believe how stupid Americans are, how easy the American schools are. Americans talk about the weather, about sports, etc. What morons! What have they done with their brain all their life? Well, they haven't been developing the logical part of their brain. They have been developing the emotional part of their brain. Take this example of corporate culture: in the workplace, it is well known that it is more important to be liked by your boss than to do your work well. It is more important to know how to get along with people to get raises and promotions. "Ha! We'll get the foreigners to do the physical work or the logical work. They think logical thinking is important in America. Ha! They are the morons!"

Women are known to say that men are unemotional. Well, what is violence then, an activity associated with men? Violence, rape, murder are all emotional responses. Would a man think of logical reasons to do these things? Extremely unlikely. So the men are not unemotional. The men are too emotional. The problem is that Americans do not understand their emotions. They let their emotions happen and they respond to them. They don't stop and think how their emotions are affecting their actions. For a country encouraging convergent thinking and emphasizing emotions, their violent nature seems likely, if not obvious. Fear is an emotion. People are afraid of everything without realizing that they can have control over their emotions. To a certain degree, they can feel how they want to feel.

1 month anniversary

2004-06-21T11:18:00.000-05:00

Last Friday was the one-month anniversary of this blogger. It is easy to see it just by looking at the date on the first post. I was planning to write something on Friday, but circumstances kept me away from the computer.

My boss allowed me to leave work at lunch on Friday. My group is switching projects, so the top level managers are still figuring out the organization of the entire design team and the features that the new project will have. Hence, quite a few engineers such as myself have nothing to do. My boss left during lunch on Friday as well. Ha! Apparently he isn't high enough to give himself some work to do.

So, on Friday I went out to lunch with a couple friends. I was looking forward to it since I don't go out to lunch as much as I used to when I worked up north. However, the event didn't meet my aspirations. One friend was really tired and the other was hung over. The conversation primarily covered women, drinking, and gossip. The three most saturated topics among people of my age. I was so sick of these topics that I was ready to puke. Having free time, it was an attempt to find the magic that I was missing by hanging with fellow humans. Unfortunatelly, after that meeting, I didn't want to hang out with anyone. Now that I think about it, perhaps it has to do with the selfish nature of most people I come in contact with. Or perhaps I am overly selfish myself. (I hope to cover this in my next post.)

Anyway, I got an impulse decision to go to an electronics store and just look around. As I stepped into it, I found this great feeling in beeing somewhere alone and just looking at things, not ashamed to be there alone and not having any agenda. Eventually, I stumbled upon the video game section. I saw a famous game that I thought about before for $20. The price was right so I got it. It was a story-driven game, and I headed home looking forward to emersing myself in the world of fantasy and magic.

Back to the beginning of this post--the anniversary. I'm glad (for the moment, perhaps) that I haven't religiously followed my main goal that I sort of had a month ago. My goal has been to track my progress so that I would speed up self-development of myself. I have been hoping to find a path for myself. However, this whole idea is linear and convergent, which I now believe is not the right way to go through life. I'm glad that I have accomplished another goal of mine, a goal that I didn't seriously consider. I have been able to cover a wide array of topics in this blog over the last month. I look over my entries and think: "Wow! That's a lot of writing. Will I be able to keep this up? Will I run out of ideas?" Well, humans haven't ran out of ideas for centuries. Also, running out of ideas is nothing to fear, since it'll naturally lead into another part of my life.

I'm glad this blog has helped me to develop my ideas. I'd like to share all my ideas with other people. I'd like to share my ideas in speech as well. However, this has been increasingly difficult. Other people have their own agendas. This blog allows me to develop my ideas and hold on to them in case I want to review them later. Happy me.

horoscopes and such

2004-06-17T10:59:00.000-05:00

Your past life diagnosis:
I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation. You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Hungary around the year 825. Your profession was that of a leader, major or captain.

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Timid, constrained, quiet person. You had creative talents, which waited until this life to be liberated. Sometimes your environment considered you strange.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
Your main lesson is to develop magnanimity and a feeling of brotherhood. Try to become less adhered to material property and learn to take only as much, as you can give back.

Do you remember now?
Past Life Analysis

It is magic, isn't it? Some unknown forces and secret formulas and the orderly movement of interstellar bodies have all been considered to exactly calculate who I was in my previous life.

I've always been fascinated with horoscopes, palm reading, and all this other "supernatural" stuff. I would look over all this literature and once I found something that was remotely correct about me or someone else, I would get all excited and get that eerie feeling. It was a feeling that something else was controlling the world around me, something I couldn't grasp or see. Perhaps it was a way to have some sort of regligion in my life, to replace God with this big unknown force that is bigger than everything.

Lots of people believe this stuff, these horoscopes or what else. Hell, lots of people believe in God too. People go to the doctor to get a C-Section just so their kid is born on a certain day or month or year. They are trying to control the fate of their child by its birthday. (Well, sometimes I would agree. It would really suck to have your birthday on July 4th in America.)

I believe there are some differences in people depending on what part of the year they were born. However, these differences are not because they were born exactly on that day, but because of the way other events happen around them. There must be many factors, and I can't think of all of them. One example is the expectation of your birthday. As a child, birthday is a really big thing. The time around the birthday is a very exciting time. Hence, your mood and behavior in the months around the birthday is affected. This behavioral change is intertwined with the feelings and activities going on during that part of the year in nature, which in turn causes a person to think a certain way. After all, it is well known that feelings influence the thinking process.

Another idea is the self-fulfilling prophecy. Other people believing in these horoscopes tell you how your are supposed to behave. You start believing them youself and you read up some books that describe you. Before you know, you are acting the way the horoscopes describe you (perhaps unconsciously) because you know you're supposed to act that way. Let me give you a similar example of this human behaviour. Kids who have never tried alcohol read all kinds of things about how drunk people behave. Then, after they finally have their first drink, they start acting like they're completely drunk, before the alcohol ever got to their bloodstream. Hence, if you truly believe some future prediction, your organism will try its best to make sure it happens. Another example: if you take a pill to cure some pain (and it just happens that the pill is a placebo) and you believe that the pain will go away, then it will go away. If people have always told you were stupid since you can remember, why would you ever think of yourself otherwise?

Still, it is hard not to believe this stuff when it seems like it is so true. Perhaps I need to unconsciously change the meaning of the text in my head or think of all kinds of examples for support (ignoring the rest) and wow: "Oh my god! I can't believe this ancient stuff works! This is me!" I want to believe, I really do. I want to believe in God, too. Why not? Just give me some evidence, make a good argument, and I'm willing to believe anything. However, the argument better be good, since I have this way of analyzing everything.

convergent/divergent thinking in society

2004-06-16T14:47:00.000-05:00

We were watching a comedy movie yesterday, "Along Came Polly." In it, the male character was a very logical and organized individual. The female character was a little absent-minded, afraid of commitment, and was living life without a plan. At one point, the male said something like: "We're not so different. You are living your life with a plan too." "What?," she said, "I have no plan." "That's right," he replied, "you are on the no-plan plan." So, who is correct? They both are.

In many problems, and in all problems involving human interaction, there is no right answer. There are many good answers or many mediocre answers, and just saying the phrase "right answer" begs the question: "Well, doesn't that depend on your definition of right?" Let me give you some examples: If you are a manager over a work crew and you have a very limited definition of the "right" way to do things, then you will be constantly frustrated and angry since your worker's perception of the "right" way will likely not match with yours. There are thousands of ways to build a house. There're a numerous decisions involved. The truth is: the ways different people approach different tasks are incredibly similar. They are similar because in the end they accomplish the same thing, with minor differences. These minor differences may not even be noticeable.

People constantly argue about the way to do some task. They are forcing their opinions onto the other persons, trying to make themselves feel intelligent and powerful (better than everyone else). The truth is, they are being selfish. They care about themselves and the immediate satisfaction of their emotional needs more than about the task. There comes a point where the differences between two people are inconsequential and unimportant to the big picture. The only purpose their argument serves is emotional satisfaction.

Similarly, if you see a behavioral problem with someone, there is no "right way" to deal with it, based on ethics or codes of conduct or proper procedures or any other reasons that are vague and dependent on people's viewpoints. There are numerous "ways," based on things like whether and why the problem is really a problem, how you see yourself in the future around this person, what good is this person to you, what would make you sleep better at night, etc, etc.

The idea of no right answer is the basis of divergent thinking. I ran into the importance of divergent thinking over half a year ago when I was reading a book on happiness. In short, convergence leads to dissatisfaction and pessimism while divergent thinking leads to adaptation and happiness. Even though I am a fan of this idea, I still have not been able to grasp it completely. Sometimes I do not realize how convergent my thinking becomes.

Our society today is mainly convergent. Even people who consider themselves divergent thinkers often act incredibly convergent in many aspects of their lives. The schools make sure that convergent thinkers do the best. Politicians and companies always build a nice convergent story around themselves which they refuse to change. Standards of behavior and laws and policies are all products of convergent thinking. True, convergent thinking has its place. Ideally, there should be a balance between convergent and divergent thinking. However, I believe convergent thinking dominates our society. Convergent thinking is the reason so many people cannot get out of depression by themselves. It is rediculous how many people are depressed in this country.

Well, though why not? Divergent thinking is chaos, and chaos is the last thing a civilized society needs. A government needs order and control over their people. Their main strategy has been to make sure that no one is dissatisfied with their life. Historically, that is the right way to go. If no one is dissatisfied, then no one will revolt and take over power. However, in the process, there has become fewer and fewer people who are satisfied and happy with their life. They have everything in this country, and yet they are unhappy. Well, happiness is in the brain and society and the governement has taught them how to think. Perhaps the true greatness of democracy is not in the freedom and the voice of the people, but in its ability to assimilate its opponents into the mass. The government is telling us the answers to our questions, it is telling us the "right way" to do things.

I've been looking for an answer again, for a solution. The problem is that I know there is no right answer, but somehow I cannot accept it. How can I accept divergent thinking when everyone around me preaches convergence? It is funny. I have these great ideas but I have such a hard time following myself.